Him, Her Or Us | The Blog About Best Friends

It's getting warm outside, because summer has finally come. So as of late there has been quite a bit of discussion about a topic that a lot of people feel strongly about. I would be lying to you good people if I said I didn't have an opinion in this like the rest of the world. But being the unbiased blogger that I have employed myself to be, I decided to interview real life people from various age ranges and genders to see their feeling on the matter. I actually found these interviews to be more in depth than I thought it would be. People really felt some kind of way about the subject. & that subject would be that of having best friends of the opposite sex while in a committed relationship.

The formula is pretty simple; I asked two different questions based on the fact that all friendships aren’t the same. So if things can be different then there are variations on the responses that could happen. But those questions that I posed to everyone were the same two questions. I'm going to start with question one because I feel like you should get one view and then get the harsher of the two views second.  But the first question was..

Question 1
| Let’s say you were in a committed relationship with someone you could see yourself settling down with for the long run .. What would be your stance on him having a best friend of the opposite sex .. Let’s say that he told you everything and they've only been friends and that he sees her as a sister literally .. What would be your honest feelings about that situation?

Now the responses to this were interesting, now of course you had your ones that said hell no, fuck that, I wouldn't care for it or even saying miss me with that shit lol. But what surprised me most was the fact that there weren't that many responses o that nature for this answer. I want to actually quote the ones that didn't seem too harsh on the subject.

My honest feelings about that is, as long as I know what type of relationship they had, I don’t care. I’m not intimated nor threaten if my man's best friend is a chick. I don’t care. I feel like as long as she don’t over step her boundaries and vice versa and its clear who cares? She was there as the friend before me, when we dating and even after if we break up. So I don’t have an issue because I have a lot of close male friends and I understand both sides - Jill

Well I guess you can say I'm SORT OF in that situation now.  Emphasis on the word sort of because you said someone you can see yourself settling down. Not there completely yet.... But we both have people we call best friends and they’re of the opposite sex. I've met him and she's talked to her. But before and after those encounters there had to be trust. Trust that there's only a friendship amongst them and nothing more. If the trust isn’t there, there's always going to be that inkling in the back of your mind wondering. - Ameer

If you feel it to be an issue then follow your first mind. Instead of bending backwards allowing it. That's an issue to me & I feel there should be some middle ground. If he really is cool then you all should be cool. There should be no issues. - Dannielle

If I'm with someone I see myself settling down with...I already knew he had this best friend off top so it wouldn't be an issue otherwise I would never see myself being with them in the first place. I mean I don't see anything wrong with having friends of the opposite sex if that's really all they are and if I'm with someone that I feel I can spend the rest of my life with then I trust them and I take their word for it or I don't need to be with them anyway. And if you're real serious with someone there are things you wouldn't do anymore anyway so yeah that's his bf but he isn’t going and spending the night at her place or no crazy shit like that...double date or come over for dinner with her man or something like that sure lol. - Kiah

Hmmm well honestly if its somebody I'm looking at the long run with then it's somebody I trust if I had doubts about their relationship then we wouldn't be together anyways you should be able to trust your spouse no matter who the other person is male female whatever I've just done the trust issue thing and without that there's no relationship -Bryt

I'd have to believe him. If we've gotten that far then I should trust him and take him at his word. I'm not threatened or bothered by other females because there is only one me. If he wanted to be with someone else, he would. - Tesia

I wouldn't care. As long as boundaries aren’t crossed. You can't dictate who they are friends with. I don't know it’s kind of hard to say though. You can say in your mind how you feel about it. But I guess you would have to be put in that situation, because love makes you do crazy things (good and bad). I can say that I've been in situations where in my sound mind I wouldn't do. But I guess that's the 'power of love' - Joi

I personally don't feel me and women can be "just friends". Somewhere down the line regardless if it’s voiced or not someone is bound to get feelings. It wouldn't bother me as long as she played her position as friend and cause at the end of the day her allegiance is to him....not me. As long as no boundaries are crossed I'm good. Respects mine as his girlfriend/ potential wife. Me & her don't have to be friends be - Edwina

I don't think that's a problem...as long as there are boundaries and both people are honest about their feelings...I think the problem comes when a man or woman claims they are friends with someone but they have a sexual past...you don't have sex with your friends - Carol

Well hypothetically I wouldn't be too wild about it because I know how trifling some females are. But I'd trust him. At one point however, depending on the seriousness of our relationship, roles will switch. - Marlena

That shit is wack. If I'm going settle down with someone, I better be his one and only female best friend. I don't share any type of titles with another chick .... I know I had issues with that with my ex ... He had two female best friends. But when he and I got serious, I became his one and only. If it's strictly platonic, his "female best friends" would understand that you're the love of his life - Lily

Now as you can see from the quotes up above that based on your relationship, the trust level that you have in the person that you're with, & the history of the two individuals involved saying they're best friends then it would be acceptable on some level as long as boundaries and lines aren’t crossed at any time. But here's the trick question that I asked that changed the history of the two best friends in question a bit:

Question 2
| Now what if the situation was different. Let’s say they were dating for years & they had a very serious relationship & they broke up because they realized they were better friends than lovers .. Could you take them being best friends because they know each other inside and out literally?

Now while the first question fetched almost the same response, the second one didn't. There was kind of a split down the middle & even the ones that said they would still kind of allow it didn't sound too sure about allowing it either. Here are their answers:

Once again. She "my female BF" is someone that I use to date. My girlfriend seems on the outside to not let it get to her but when I'm like; "I was hanging with my best friend" she starts acting funny. So I get mixed signals from that.  So with that said I think that does affect things. You can't put SEX into any situation and it not cause issues.  Like I said someone is going to have that thought "damn they/we use to fuck" and it’s going to cause some type of issue. But then it all goes back to trust. Trust has to be that corner stone holding the foundation of the relationship up. If there's no trust going both ways it's destined to fail. That's one thing I can't do. That's why I don't cheat, because I wouldn't want her to cheat on me. Why did they need to cheat in the first place? Something wasn't right before... why does time mean things will work this time and they won't do it again. Nope. Do me dirty once you got me. You will never get the chance to do it again. I guess you can just say I've learned from life experiences.  But one must learn from their own mistakes in life. You have to follow your heart then. If there are doubts you have to prepare yourself for heart ache or happiness. I guess it can go either way until you’ve lived and learn. - Ameer

I can't tell him stop being friends with her if she isn't doing anything to sabotage the relationship I'm in with him. - Elisha

There is a fine line between love and control. If I love and trust him, then yes I would. - Tesia

Lol funny u should say that because that’s how it is with me and my two ex-boyfriends.....still doesn’t matter because I know if they wanted to be together they would and that’s in the past. For example. My 1st bf dated thought I was going marry him and ha it crumbled. Now I look at him as a really good friend and I NEVER WANT TO DATE HIM. But we have a good relationship. Now my other ex, that’s a diff story because we have an odd relationship. At the end of the day, as long as we honest and up front I have no reason to be salty or mad. It is what it is - Jill

So I feel like this about relationships nobody on the outside can affect what's going on the inside unless you let them and if you let them then you don't NEED to be in that relationship if you not whole and secure and built up in yourself then you don't need to be in a relationship if I'm worried about what you got going on with somebody else it's something I need to work on in me and it something really is going on then we need to be apart anyways I refuse to live my life worrying about what my mate is doing I can't be around 24/7 so I need to be able to know there's nothing going on In other words if they friends they friends as long as she isn’t disrespecting me which if he cared about me then he wouldn't allow that to happen and if he did then I'm gone. I'm telling you I be on to the next, I'm going to be with somebody I don't trust and don't trust me if I'm gone my whole thought process shouldn't be what is he doing while I'm gone no y'all not gone be having sleepovers or calling my house all night but that's part of the disrespect thing. - Bryt

While those individuals felt like they could trust their partner to some extent, the others we ‘rent so forgiving in their conclusions:

No. He'd have to cut her off unless he got a baby mama. Wtf ... No reason to be bff's - Lily

No lol I'm sure my guy wouldn't be comfortable if the tables were turned. There's just some things in a relationship that you have to alter for respect of your significant other, especially something minor like that If one person doesn't feel comfortable with the relationship you have with another sex ..Are you really going to give up your love life relationship for friend relationship? For me not worth losing my love Especially if you see marriage down the road Lol and if that person is really your friend they would totally understand . And if it was only a true friendship nothing else, they may try to gain the trust of the one who is weary. Like I said SO many factors in play - Tricia

HELL NAWL. That shit didn't work out for a reason. Now either he can get all the way over it and leave her alone for ever and ever. Or he can be single and try and figure that out. Ain't no way. - Joi

Nope lol...b/c that's going to cause a conflict at some point...anytime you and your significant other get into a disagreement you don't want then going to an ex for advice...you are opening a door for something inappropriate to happen...to me when you are in a relationship you don't put yourself in a situation where your relationship can potentially be disrespected and being best friends with someone you had a serious relationship with in the past just sounds like trouble...not saying you can't be cordial with them but like I said before there has to be boundaries - Carol

Ehhh...friends from a distance maybe lol hell honestly idk...I'd really have to think about that one. I mean I'm "friends" with one ex but it's on some happy birthday, how you doing type of ish every now and then...and soon that might not even happen lol Possibly....we'd def. have to talk about it...idk...don't think I'd want to be around someone who also been smashing my man and had a connection with him unless it was absolutely necessary such as a baby mother lol  - Kiah

No man that I'm serious about should have a best friend of the opposite sex. It'll never be appropriate unless they are truly blood related. Feelings can develop at any time by both parties. It's unacceptable for the person you go to vent and for advice to be someone of the opposite sex. I would never be okay with that. You're asking me about a female best friend that'll always be my answer no matter. Even if he has other friends. - Lacey

I actually have a very strong feeling on this subject, but as I was looking over the responses I read one that actually hit on the head how I felt about it. So to close this out I'm going to quote Jill, she pretty much says it all for me:

I don’t like drama period. I don’t have drama. I don’t have baggage or crazy ex-boyfriends. I just don’t have time for the pettiness. I’m too old for that. Some chicks don’t like it. Sometimes it’s a sense of in secureness and immaturity. If I’m taking care of home I shouldn’t be concerned about the next chick. Only time I need to is if she coming at me crazy or my man and if so he needs to check her. If u can’t handle the real world and having people that will or not be attracted to your significant other, then u don’t need to be in a relationship. Big difference from being attracted to actually being disrespectful.  In real life there will be certain types of people who can c how far they can get away with things. Lol. I’m just saying. Its common sense though. People will be attracted to your partner but it’s up to your partner on how they take it and just a level of respect. If I don’t want that happening to me then why in the heck do I want to do that? Yes. I’m very old school traditional. I don’t have time for mess. I’m straight forward. Nowadays people think it’s cool or sociably acceptable to be treated like crap, have a side piece, to have these flings or have these husband/wife privileges and we only been dating for 3 months. That mentality of trying it on first before I buy it hits relationships hard. No one wants do date or be committed anymore. Everyone is scared to get hurt or since they can’t predict the future they just don’t want to bother with it. - Jill 

 Well guys that concludes this blog entry, til next time.

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