30 Day Challenge | November 2014

Well it's a new month and I figured I would do another 30 day challenge since it's been awhile, and what better month to do it in than my birthday month. Well this the first day and as the title says, it's just an intro and a recent photo of my ugly mug. I hope you guys enjoy this one as you did the first one, which averaged around 30 views a day. That's great for my standards, right now lol. I'm not going to skip over the days like everyone else does because they don't like the questions being asked, I'm going to be as truthful as I can possibly be.

But like I said, I hope you guys enjoy!

Day 1 | Intro & Recent Photo

Well it's a new month and I figured I would do another 30 day challenge since it's been awhile, and what better month to do it in than my birthday month. Well this the first day and as the title says, it's just an intro and a recent photo of my ugly mug. I hope you guys enjoy this one as you did the first one, which averaged around 30 views a day. That's great for my standards, right now lol. I'm not going to skip over the days like everyone else does because they don't like the questions being asked, I'm going to be as truthful as I can possibly be. But like I said, I hope you guys enjoy! If you want to join in, the 30 day challenge that I'm using is posted below.

Day 2 | Current Relationship

Second day, and this blog challenge is coming out swinging for the fences eh? lol But no seriously, I'm single and single life for me is good from the stand point of me being able to get things in order that I need to do. I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to fine tune and get certain aspects together. I've moved past the need to always be on the scene and mingle with people just because I'm single and want some attention. I'm more so working on myself for the opportunities that I want, for when they come around. So that's how single life is for me right now, just chilling out and doing me. That's all that I need to worry about for right now, making me happy first.

Day 3 | Where You'd Like To Be In 10 Years.

Well since my birthday is on the 11th, I'm going to go ahead and say I'm 28. Hmm, where do I want to be in 10 years, well hopefully in 10 years I'll be married with two very small children. In a career & town that I love being in. Hopefully not bald either lol. God willing I'll be in the position to be facing the everyday challenge of being a husband and father, that's all I can ask for.

Day 4 | Views On Drugs & Alcohol

Let's start with drugs, no one should use them, they are addictive and can mess up your life. The "hard stuff" destroys families, period. Anyone who is considering doing it, I hope they reconsider or seek help if they already are. Now I use to think that marijuana wasn't really a drug until I saw how guys just sat around all day smoking it away, being lazy, or spending their last couple of pennies on a nickel bag. That's an addiction when it gets to that point. Plus if you Google how much you spend in a lifetime on it, it's just not worth it. It was cool at a young age when you didn't have any responsibilities and you wanted to try something new and be a rebel, but other than that, at my age and position in life, it serves not a single purpose.

Now with alcohol, I use to think it was going to be a tricky one when I first read the topic, but it's not. In short, drinking in excess is a thing of the past for me. Now I'm not against a beer here or there, or a social drink every now and then. But as for drinking like I use to, I'm good on it. It's the same thing with marijuana, it takes a lot of income up when you go to get a bottle, plus it hinders me from doing things the next day, seeing as how I'm not one of those people who drink and wake up early the next day. I'm trying to get into a healthier lifestyle as well, so cutting it all the way back has already started to yield positive responses to my body. I'm not knocking anyone who drinks responsibility, but the ones who deal with alcoholism, I hope you get help as well.

Day 5 | Views On Religion

Before I say anything, I just want to make sure that we are clear that I love my Lord & Savior Jesus Christ, and that God is the highest and greatest.

Now when it comes to religion, I honestly don't care what other people believe in because it's their right to believe in it. Whether that be Jewish, Catholic, Muslim, Buddhist, or even being an Atheist. It's not my job to come into your life and say "oh you don't like Jesus, let me persuade you". Not even close, I'd rather you not do the same to me as well. Those people who constantly try to change your mind are the ones I try to actively stay away from. Being pushy and obnoxious about anything is annoying to me, even if you're that "passionate" about it. There are elements you can take away from all religion, case being with Buddhism. I frequently mention the "Dalai Lama's 18 Rules For Living". There are things that they practice to accomplish inner peace that can be helpful to a person seeking peace in their own life. With Muslim cultures there are plenty of practices honoring guests with respect that are interesting to me. There's a little something there for anyone willing to look at the bigger picture, as long as it doesn't conflict with their own.

Religion is YOUR choice and YOUR choice alone, I'll accept you regardless of which one you choose, as long as your not overbearing with it.

Day 6 | What Are You Afraid of?


Yea, they freak me out. I'll kill one out of pure need to, but still, yea. That's all you're going to get out of me today.

Day 7 | 30 Interesting Facts About Yourself

1. I was born on Veteran's Day, to a veteran, in a veteran's hospital.
2. I lived in Kansas, Germany, DMV, GA, SC, NC, Kentucky, Kuwait & Iraq.
3. The earliest form of writing I've found was when I was 8yrs old, I had a journal.
4. I've read all the Harry Potter books in a day.
5. If I could, I would live on a beach, wearing sandals and shorts everyday.
6. I wear glasses because I'm nearsighted.
7. In 2010 I was 5'9 & 157lbs. In 2014 I'm 6'0 & 250lbs.
8. At one point in my life I was benching 385lbs & Squatting 405lbs at the same time.
9. If one looks close, past the grey hairs, I actually have burgundy hair as well.
10. I became a Yankees fan because my brother was cheering for the Braves at a game we went to as kids.
11. I became a Steelers fan because I loved how hard the defense hit.
12. Derek Jeter, Barry Sanders & Tracy Macgrady are my favorite players.
13. The Walking Dead & Game of Thrones are the the only shows I actively fan for.
14. Kanye West, Young Jeezy, Nas, Eminem, Kid Cudi, Pastor Troy & J. Cole are my favorite rappers at the moment.
15. I listen to my 90's R&B playlist, daily.
16. I listen to rock music at some point in the day.
17. Linkin Park, Blink-182, Fitz & The Tantrums, Fun, Maroon 5 just to name a few.
18. I know how to cook, I've recently been learning how to fine tune that skill.
19. I'd rather sit around with my friends & chit chat rather go stand in a club.
20. I want to live in California a year before I settle down somewhere.
21. I've never been to Disneyland.
22. Horror movies freak me out.
23. I believe an organization such as the Illuminati or NWO exists.
24. I believe one needs a healthy balance of intelligence & ignorance to fully enjoy life.
25. In the middle of everyday, I take at least 10mins to close my eyes & collect my thoughts.
26. I taught myself C++, I'm currently trying to relearn what I've forgotten & then some.
27. I know how to defend myself.
28. I have 3 brothers, 4 nephews and a niece.
29. Two of my best friends have kids, Dezmond & Logan, my new niece & nephew.
30. My family is filled with boys at the moment, I want a daughter more than anything.

Day 8 | What Are Your Worst Habits?

Grinding my teeth in my sleep.
Not accepting help when I should.
Biting my finger nails. Not having patience for the slow moving.
Becoming frustrated with large crowds when out and about.
Not proof reading things after I write them.

Day 9 | Five Favorite Blogs

Day 10 | How You Hope Your Future Will Be.

Seems like the same question asked on Day 3. But beyond that, I hope to be all of that and pretty much in a city where I can retire in and have a nice home where my family comes and visits me & the wife at. Had an illustrious career somewhere and hopefully I'll be able to say I've helped people out through my volunteer work. That's pretty much the sum of it. Don't know how to elaborate on that more.

Day 11 | Your First Love & First Kiss

Hmm, this would be the question on my birthday.

Let's start with first kiss, I don't remember when that happened. Elementary school probably? I'm pretty sure it was in 3rd grade and that it was weird. Don't really know what else to say on that because I don't really remember it.
First love, hmm. Wonderful woman she is, I still talk about her in these here blogs of mine. Didn't really know what it was til it happened and it's a pretty great feeling. I always tell people to go out and experience new things and not to be closed off because of bad experiences. If I did that, then I would've never met her. But she's awesome to say the least, and she changed my life.

Day 12 | 10 Random Songs From Your iPod

1. Tyrese - How You Gonna Act Like That
2. Michael Jackson - Thriller
3. Snoop Dogg - Drop It Like It's Hot
4. Juvenile - Cocky & Confident
5. Tanto Metro - Everyone Falls In Love
6. J. Cole - Kenny Lofton [Feat. Young Jeezy]
7. Asher Roth - Parties At The Disco [Feat. ZZ Ward]
8. Mr Hudson - Straight No Chaser
9. Ab-Soul - Tree of Life
10. Outkast - The Whole World [Feat. Killer Mike]

That was a pretty random list. I haven't listened to a lot of these songs in forever. I was a little worried that it was going to be all R&B or Oldies until Drop It Like It's Hot came out of nowhere and changed the mood lol.

Day 13 | What Do You Collect?

I collect music.

I'm an avid fan of most, if not all genres. Well with the exception of Heavy Metal, that lyrical content is something that I could do without for the rest of my life. But as for a lot of other genres I listen to. Right now of course Hip-Hop/Rap & R&B is the most of my library at the moment. The least that I have of is Reggae/World Music/Dance Hall, but I'm working on that right now. I have a lot of music people either have forgotten about, or doesn't know existed. So it's always cool when someone looks at my collection and see all that I have up here. Right now at the moment, I'm currently in possession of:

Yea so that's the thing I collect, music.

Day 14 | Somewhere You'd Like To Move Or Visit

I'd like to move to California for a year and live the beach life before I settle down. I could actually do with a summer there. I probably wouldn't need a whole year out that way.

Somewhere I'd like to visit is of course Beijing, for some reason the lure of the lights and the culture intrigues me. It's probably a tie between Beijing and Egypt. I'll visit Egypt once things calm down over there.

Day 15 | What's In Your Bag?

Well I don't have a bag, so I'll just do my book bag that's currently sitting next to me. There's nothing in here but some pens, my mouse, hard drives, mouse, laptop (I work on two different CPU's at home), and charger. That's about it.

Day 16 | What's Inside Your Fridge?

Umm, food lol.

There's ice, alcohol (my roommates), frozen meats. Then you have water, condiments, leftovers, beer (my roommates), eggs, bacon, cheese, butter, milk, juices and dinner prep's. Nothing weird or too exciting.

Day 17 | Favorite Quote

I'll give you guys a couple instead of just one, starting with my favorite.

“I drink in victory because I deserve it, and I drink in failure because I needed it.” - Winston Churchill

“Good, better, best. Never let it rest. Until your good is better and your better is best.” – Tim Duncan

“I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.” – Michael Jordan

"Don't be in a hurry to condemn because he doesn't do what you do or think as you think or as fast. There was a time when you didn't know what you know today." - Malcolm X

"I submit to you that if a man hasn't discovered something he will die for, he isn't fit to live." - Martin Luther King Jr.
"Excellence Is Not A Act, But A Habit" - Aristotle

"You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villan." - Harvey Dent

"If You Aint First...You're Last" - Ricky Bobby

Day 18 | Highs & Lows of The Past Year.

If you haven't been keeping up with my blog for the past couple months, I suggest you go read everything from January on back, that will let you know exactly the high's and low's of this past year. It was so much but I'll say the high and low combined was going to therapy and getting myself together. As you'll read in two months time, 2014 was the year of restoration, so it was a lot of work that was put into myself. That's what happened this year.

Day 19 | 10 Favorite Foods

Let's see here ..

1. Lasagna
2. Baked Mac & Cheese (Southern style.)
3. Honey BBQ Wings
4. Cookies & Cream Ice Cream from Coldstone
5. Chinese Food from the mall
6. Baked Ziti
7. Fried Chicken Breasts
8. Chicken Parmesan
9. Rice
10. Broccoli Casserole (With the rice and cheese in it.)

Day 20 | Best Physical Feature

Hands down my smile.

I've been smiling since I was a baby. Every time I hear someone tell a story from when I was little, it always involves me smiling my way out of trouble. From what I hear now, my smile is what makes people talk to me. I don't get that, but hey it's a compliment, so I'm going to roll with the punches on that one. Even though I don't like taking pictures as much as I should, I still try to snap a couple here and there with the smile present. So yea, my smile is the best physical feature that I have.

Day 21 | How Important Is Education?

This was on the last 30 Day Challenge that I did, so I'm going to take the answer straight from that passage, if you guys don't mind.

Education will always be important aspect of life.

Now do I think everything that is labeled "Education" is important, no I don't. I do believe that they should get rid of things like geometry & chemistry at the earliest parts of school and implement replacing them with classes geared more towards law & financial planning. Yes it's on the parents or whatever guardians that are in place to teach these things, but I feel as if they are taught on a more comprehensive level then there will be a greater outcome in terms of debt and crime. Teach kids the value of a dollar and there will be a greater emphasis on education, maybe less student loans and more money being dished out of pocket caused by the understanding for the need to work. But then again that would put more control in the hands of the people and less in the hands of big companies like Sallie Mae, and we all know they don't want that to happen.

Day 22 | One of Your Favorite Shows

The Jamie Foxx Show

To me this show does not get enough credit for being funny as they should. This show is absolutely hilarious. They blend the serious moments with the comedy just perfect. They realize that it's a comedy show and they don't keep the serious parts around for too long. What's the funniest part of the show is usually the bloopers or outtakes. Seems like the whole cast has the perfect relationship with each other. Starting in 1996 & finishing up in 2001, there's plenty of episodes to watch. I remember I put my old roommate from college on, and after morning classes right before lunch we always checked out the hour block BET had on at the time. If people forgot how funny Jamie Foxx was because of his recent roles, all they have to do is check out what his old self titled show and I'm sure you'll walk away laughing. There are plenty of guest spots on the show just like Martin, The Fresh Prince, and other shows that fit that mold.

Day 23 | How Have You Changed In The Past 2 Years?

Let's see, 2012-2014.

Eh, a lot has happened in those two years. Came back home from deployment and I was just recently getting adjusted, got out the military and trying to get adjusted back to regular life. Went through some situations, went into therapy, and now I feel like I'm getting back to my old self pre military. So in a sense I've become a more calm and mellow person, kind of reserved. I'm not on the scene as much as I use to be, and I'm just fine with that. I have a lot of other things that I'm trying to focus on right now.

Day 24 | Five Famous Women You Find Attractive.

1. Janelle Monáe

2. Sade

3. Sanaa Lathan

4. Rita Ora

5. Ashley King


Day 25 | Favorite Movie

This was a really hard one to go with because I don't have a favorite per say, so I'm going to go with Harlem Nights.

Loaded with star power, and the perfect blend of new and old talent. You'll never see a movie like this ever again in your lifetime. With so many of the comedians that pioneered and paved the way for many of the greats of yesterday and today. Even the smaller parts have well known comedians casted to play them. Not to mention the movie was well put together and hit on all cylinders. This is African American Cinema at it's best.

Day 26 | Someone Who Fascinates You

Not going to put any names up here, but you know how I'm talking about. No need to go in depth about who it is, but more so why. I'm a complicated person, there's no secret to that. People pretty much know what I want them to know, because that's how I want my life to be setup, private. But for someone to come along and just completely disregard that, learn who I am, and pretty much figures out how to make me a better person without me saying a word or her saying a word, I can't help but be fascinated by her. That's what separates her from a lot of people that feel some kind of way when I talk about her here on this blog. Because at the end of the day, you want someone who knows you without having to explain yourself, that's the goal for me at least. I doubt that I'll ever be able to decipher how people think better than her because she has that good ol psych degree, but it's always a great feeling to want to keep learning someone who knows how to be themselves around you.

Day 27 | What Kind of Person Attracts You?

Speaking solely in terms of friendship, it has to be the people who are secure in themselves as people.

It's hard to be who you are and still able to be a normal sane person in this day and age. Most people are still trying to do things to fit in, rather than being themselves. So when a person comes along that makes it easier for you to be yourself while teaching you some new things about life, you tend to want to hang around that person more often than none. Witty, funny, intelligent, aware, outgoing, things of that nature. When you find someone that puts that perfect blend together, you might want to get right and befriend them.

Day 28 | What's In Your Cologne Bag?

This was originally make-up bag, I don't own a makeup bag, so what now?

I mean I have a polo traveling bag that houses my cologne, tooth brush, tooth paste, brush, floss, lotion, durag, comb, and that's about it. I don't think this was a good question for so late in the month, especially asking me what I had in my bag earlier in the month. It is what it is though.

Day 29 | Goals For The Next 30 Days

The next 30 days I plan to just ride the rest of 2014 out in preparation for 2015. There are a lot of things that I plan on getting accomplished within the fist 3 months alone, so I'm going to need this time to just mellow out and enjoy some people and get my mind prepped up. I plan on hitting the ground hard and running. Hopefully the last 5 months that I've spent preparing for this transition will go off smoothly and without a hitch. Just keep an eye out for little ol me.

Day 30 | Why Do You Blog?

This is probably the best way to end this on.

I've been through a lot of things in my lifetime, and at the age of 28 I'm blessed to see everything that has happened. There are a lot of people that never learn from their mistakes and keep right on making them. Then there are those people that learn but refuse to share what they learn for fear that someone will use it against them or judge them for what they go through. Then you have those people who learn and wear all of their struggles on their sleeves with pride, because they know that's the only way to lead by example.

This is me wearing all my struggles, trials & tribulations on my sleeve. I've lost family, friends, money, time, a lot of things. So I feel like with my ability to pen words to paper in a fashion where people will enjoy reading them, then it's my job to give my stories to give them a chance to learn from my mistakes, if they choose to. I'm way past the part of life where I worry about people judging me, for what? No ones words on this earth matter more than how I feel about me, than myself.

I blog to let people who are going through things that it will be alright as long as you keep trying and pushing. That's who I blog for, the people that want to do right and think they are alone, but guess what, you're not. Blogging is just a way for me to express myself and help people at the same time.


Thanks for joining me here for my second 30 Day Challenge, it was fun and challenging. Check out my first one here for July, it was on par for this one as well. I can't wait until the next time i get to do this kind of challenge. I hope you guys enjoyed!

Until next time!

The Last Meal

This is what happiness looks like to me lol.

So I was going to start this diet in January, but I asked myself "Why wait"? I figured since Thanksgiving was going to be a hearty meal, I might as well make it my last. This is a black day in the history of me because today marks the day that I'm giving up pork and red meat. I'm going to strictly regulate myself to chicken and seafood products. I'm from South Carolina, so this transition shall be a hard one lol. Well not really, I actually already cut out a lot of things already over the past couple of months like:

1. Drinking sodas.
2. Eating sweets.
3. Drinking alcohol.
4. Cutting down on fast food.
5. Staying away from fried products.

I say that it's starting to show, I've been slimming down as of sort without really working out like that. Last time I weighed myself a couple of weeks ago I was down a solid 10lbs. So now that I've decided to take red meat, a lot of starch and most pork, (because I'm never giving up bacon), I can start implementing that with working out to start really seeing change. I'm going to highlight in my 2015 blog my plans for the year as far as physical act ivies go. But starting now will definitely help me reach the six month goals that I have set out.

I just wanted to share this sad day with you guys because this food was really great, the leftovers are going to be even better. I've been waiting on this moment all year just so I can have some of this delicious macaroni & cheese and turkey. But I'm afraid after this, there's no Christmas dinner in my future. I'm going to just opt not eat that and move right into starting this diet so I can come into the new year refreshed physically, well as best as I can. But I'm ready and pretty excited because in addition to that, my cousin has decided to challenge me to a 30 day challenge for December. So there's the added motivation there and support to start off strong.

Tell me about your holiday in the comments below. I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving, and don't forget to check out the Thanksgiving blog I posted earlier in the week here at this link.

The Thanksgiving Blog

This post was actually part of a 30 day challenge that I decided not to do. It said list 10 things that you are thankful for on a daily basis. So instead of making that part of a 30 day post, and its Thanksgiving time, I decided that now is the best time to list these things out. So I hope you guys enjoy my list of things I'm grateful for.

10. Freedom of Speech | I'm thankful for freedom of speech, because without it, I wouldn't be able to blog the way I wanted to and about the things I want to discuss. It's no secret that in certain parts of the world, having a blog is forbidden, never mind the simple ability to speak out against the wrongdoings going on around them without being persecuted. I live in a country that allows me to engage people that feel the same way and voice their opinions when they don't. I like to learn what other people think about certain things, so without freedom of speech, I would never be able to grow and learn how other people think. That's another way for respect to be built.

9. Learning | This is the essence of life to me, being able to learn every single day. Whether it's through books or through life teachings, learning is a big deal to me. That's how being wiser and the wisdom can mold a person. Not everyone chooses to learn, some people choose to be oblivious towards most things, so for me, being able to learn and become a better person is very important thing to me.

8. Having A Home | Another thing that not everyone in the world gets a chance to experience. Some people live in shacks, on the streets, under bridges and in dirt holes, and that's just in this country alone. I don't have much at this moment, but I'm thankful for every single that I do have. I take pride in all of my possessions because I worked hard for it, so I treat it as such. I'm not materialistic by any stretch of the imagination, but being able to appreciate and enjoy things that I work hard to get and keep up is just a joy in life that anyone should strive to be.

7. Music | One of the big things in my life to date, everyone who's anyone in my life knows that music has developed to be one of the most important things in my life. You can see it in my blogs with the quotes and lyric inspired posts. Just like life, if you find the right song at the right time, it can teach you some lessons that you never thought you would find in the lyrics. People should remember that artists are artists for a reason, they go through things in life just like us and they're able to put to music and remind us that either someone has it worse and try every day to make it better, or that everything will be fine in time if you just believe.

6. Brothers & Sisters In Arms | I'm thankful for all of the people that I have met in the service that has impacted my life in a significant way, and the ones whom I've never met that protect this country with their lives every day. Lately the Armed Forces have been taking hits from outside forces and from within. But those are small stories in my mind when compared to the service members who go through the daily grind of being away from family members and having to deal with life or death situations that most people can't even imagine. I had the pleasure of serving with a couple of guys who've lost their lives for this country and to them I am thankful not only making the ultimate sacrifice, but allowing me to serve alongside them and getting to know the great humans that they were, you guys are sorely missed.

5. My Friends | Simply put, without them, there would be no me. I've gone through the ringer since 2005, and I've seen a lot of lows. Life is just like that sometimes, but God being the great one that He is, put a lot of great people in my life. But I'm especially thankful for the ones that are near and dear to my heart. Without their words and their support, I wouldn't have made it this far being that I am. With their friendships, I was able to will myself through some painful situations and heartache that most wouldn't be able to deal with, and the same love is returned from my end. Not to mention the tons and tons of memories of fun that I have with them. We take care of each other more than friends should, that's why I consider them family without any kind of hesitation. I am thankful for them being a solid foundation of support and strong words for when I need it.

4. My Family | Come on now, it's the people that made me; you didn't think they would be on this list? Lol But seriously, they are the core of my life. I may not talk to them every day but they know the love is just the same, and they accept me for who I am. I know I need to better with seeing everyone, but once life gets better for me in the way that I can see them, I will. I sometimes sit back at family functions and I listen to them talk and interact, and it's amazing how much of them is in me without being around them 24/7. That's what a family connection is supposed to be, and I'm thankful for it being that way. I'm also extremely thankful for having that tough love too as well. That is an underrated kind of love to me, and it's greatly appreciated.

3. My Ex | This might be an unpopular choice with some people about this one, but it's my life, my list, and my blog, so I do what I want. But I am thankful for her because simply put, she changed my life. She changed my way of thinking and she made me a better person. Anytime a person comes in your life and does that, then you have to be thankful for that person and everything they've either done or they're currently doing for you because in this day and age, you won't find too many people that even care to hold the door open for you when you're two steps behind them. I thank her for opening my eyes to the things in life that matter and teaching me a lot of things that I didn't know about. God doesn't make mistakes, we all know that, and I'm glad he put her in my life to change it for the better. So whether it be her or another young lady, I've made leaps in bounds in terms of how a relationship works.

2. My Good Health | I originally had this lower on the list but I realized that without my good health, I wouldn't be helpful to anyone on the list below this option. I'm certainly thankful for God being able to allow me to have good health to be able to be active in my everyday life to the point of being able to go and get things done. I pray that the little aches and pains make way to me being able to do more and enjoy life. But for now I'm thank for being able to walk, talk, think and breathe without the assistance of any machines or medicine. There are definitely others in this world that struggle with those simple daily functions.

1. God | I'm pretty sure this wasn't a surprise here; everyone knew this was coming lol. Without Him, there would be none of us, without Him, there would be no me here on this planet to do good in anyone's life. He's protected and provided for me for 28 years and I don't see any sign of him slowing down, not just yet. He's shown me a lot of things that have been good and bad, I'm thankful for them all, no more and definitely no less. I'm waiting on the day when all of it clicks together and it becomes one fluid motion. But until that day comes, I thank Him for being a great teacher and my biggest support.

That's my list of things to be grateful for, what are you grateful for? Leave you opinion in the comments below. I really hope you guys have a great Thanksgiving, regardless where you are. Enjoy the holiday and take time to be thankful for what you have.

Until next time guys.

Justice Denied.

Take a second and look at that image, please.

At first I wasn't going to write anything in regards to this situation because I have certain obligations that prevent me from making comments against any kind of law enforcement agency, whether it be locally or federally. Now I could try to write about this and be very careful of what I say, but there is really no way to be careful on how to say it. There will always be someone in an government agency surfing the internet with a sophisticated algorithm that spots a combination of words or sentences that are deemed offensive towards the United States of America.

I also wasn't going to write about this situation this early because I wanted my own personal emotions to calm down and subside just a tad so I can put together a blog of well formulated opinions. I didn't want to get up here and just sound like a man who's being hateful or defending things that I "favor because of my skin color". I also didn't want to be influenced decisions based off the many ignorant comments that I have seen within the last 24hrs of this decision.

But to hell with all of that.

This decision is downright atrocious, unjust, and point blank sad. What's even worse is that with all the information that was leaked about the grand jury hearing, and the subsequent movements tracked by every media outlet of Darren Wilson, you knew he was going to walk free. If you add up the fact that he was in hiding for so long, got funded by certain organizations, got married, and "negotiated" his resign, there was no way in the world he was going to get indicted. Simply put, Mike Brown's death was fumbled from start when he was laying on the ground, uncovered, for 4 and a half hours, to the many attempts by the media to refute the eye witness testimonies of the "black" witnesses".

Now I would understand a lawyer's position of trying to explain to the public how this whole situation was misconstrued, the forensic evidence being conclusive and the eye witness testimonies being faulty, if he was representing the defense. But instead we had the prosecutor of all people get up there and rail off facts that we've known since day one of the shooting, be very vague about other details such as why 12 shots were needed and downright criminalized not only Mike Brown, but made it seem like the eye witness testimonies just wanted to see Darren Wilson hang. In addition to that, no one understands why the decision was held for so long into the night when it was made earlier in the day.

Sadly this is the same game we've been playing since we got to this country.

Granted this isn't slavery, this isn't the 1900's, the 60's, the 70's or the 80's. It isn't open season on the black man where any person can pick up a rifle and gun us down in the streets anymore and all the heads turned with no one saying anything. It's no secret that their preferred method of dealing with us now a days is to make money off of us by making it hard to obtain opportunities for a better life, making us depend on government assistance for years, penalize us for being black on applications that we fill to better ourselves and then filling their prisons with men who had no other choice but to do what they had to do. On the other side it's either be a criminal, pick up a microphone and rap some words that eventually will go on to be hits for heads of record companies, or play some sport that generally rakes in billions of dollars for owners of teams and heads of each organization. That's the system that has replaced broad daylight lynchings and hangings. But even with all of that being said, that's still no secret.

The point I'm getting to is that this is 2014 and the hate that this country has had for the African American male is publicized to its greatest lengths because of the advancements in technology. No longer are people going through grade school wondering why the history books don't speak on the worse parts this country put people through. No longer are the days where the stories of our elders being persecuted in the middle of the street for simply wanting better opportunities for education and finance to simply feed our children. And no longer are the days where the many organizations can use their money and power to silence our cries in various media outlets to control the public image.

We have a voice, and they know it.

They know that we are getting stronger, more educated and more organized. With each passing year, more and more of our elders from those generations of where oppression was open, are passing away. So now is the time that we document and save their words of how they were treated, and what kept them from backing down. They know that's what it's coming to, and they're trying to control it by any means necessary. The deaths of these young men in the last 10 years are not the first, and most certainly not the last. Everyone likes to point out that there was "someone before Mike Brown and Trayvon Martin"; they like to point out that "you kill each other in the streets". They like to point out a whole bunch of things, but the fact of the matter is, they're killing our unarmed young men in the middle of the streets, and this is the breaking point.

Now I'm not going to sit here and say that all white people are the devil, that's not true. Not going to sit here and say that all police officers are the devil as well, also not true. Just like how people sit here and say that all black people are not criminals and thugs and get mad when people generalize us as such, we have to treat other races as such. We are not targeting races, we are targeting the racists. We are targeting those who think their ideals of oppression are valid and that inequality is the way of life. We are targeting those who wish to do us harm because they are simply afraid and uneducated. We are targeting the ones who need to come out of power, and come out of it now.

Two things I want to address before I go.

The first one being that people are completely clueless in this country about the issues at hand. Statements like "well the forensics proved he was guilty" prove that people are either oblivious to the veil that covers our country, or they simply are too scared to ruffle some feathers to make a change. I've read multiple comments on message boards sharing the same sentiments, but one guy challenged all of those comments with one simple comment, "what do you know about being oppressed by a system that never wanted to see you succeed in the first place?", No one responded to him. Racism isn't just people going out to kill you or deny you opportunities for success; it's a learned behavior that needs to be broken. Sadly with Mike Brown's decision came a lot of light on how certain individuals think and act towards African Americans, keep your eyes open and remember these comments.

And the other thing being, what should we as a people do? At first I was against the riots because I felt like, what's the use of damaging your homes and communities where you have to eventually live and go to work every day. But then as I watched over the last couple of days of how the police treated the peaceful protesters and reporters on the alike and I say go for it. It took forever for media outlets to cover the story, with twitter being the only source of live updates and videos, but when they did, they completely criminalized the whole event. It was sad to see the media still on the propaganda agenda.

So what can we do?

People always say that voting doesn't work, that it's only just a way for people to think they have some say so in the matters of what's going on in this country, that we have no real voice in anything. To those people I say, you're wrong, completely wrong, and that's the thinking that they want you to have. That train of though is the biggest part of the system that's put in place for us not succeed. They wanted to beat us down mentally before they could do things to us physically. Once you realize that, then you can do more than you ever realized.

The solution to me is simple, educate yourselves. That's the main thing that has been preached for years, educate yourselves in their ways of controlling you and you'll know how to topple the system. After educating yourself, then you can become competent in how to go about electing the right leaders, voting against or for the right bills, or you yourself can even run for some sort of office. Everyone knows that Obama can't do anything for us; it's the senate and congress that control things. So if that's the case, why not elect more officials that you know will have your best interest into those positions so they can influence decisions. After all, that's what they do to us. But one thing is clear, don't just sit around waiting for someone else to do something when you can do something today, yourself.

Educate, Organize, Revolution.

Oh Happy Day

It's a bright & sunny spring day.

Not the hot spot spring day, but the warm & constant cool breeze sunny spring day. It's the kind of spring day where you just sit outside & think of all the good things & all the dreams that keep you going on a daily basis.

It's the kind of day where you close your eyes just as the wind blows & take a deep, soothing & relaxing breath. Then you exhale all the problems of today away.

Sitting right in front of you is field with plush, freshly cut, bright green grass. The type of grass that makes you just want to lay out on it and look at the baby blue sky. And with this field is just one tree that's large enough to climb & big enough to provide shade.

And just beyond the field is a blue ocean so rich that in the distance you can't distinguish the sky from itself. And all you can hear is the gentle tide as it crashes against the beach.

I look over at you with your shades on, trying to look all fabulous as you want to be. Taking in all of the sun, just relaxing. You take a glance and see me looking at you smiling. You look at me with a grin on your face, blowing me a kiss.

Then all of a sudden, I hear a noise that doesn't sound all familiar to me. I look up to see what it is, and it's two very happy children, a boy & a girl, running and jumping on to you.

You smile just as happy to see them as they are to see you. They climb all over you, laughing in the process. They look up at me and make their way over almost instantly.

They climb and roll all over, and for a brief second, my dream state mind and my physical body connected for a moment, and the feeling of completely happiness exuded from my body.

Could this be the key?

Could this be MY happiness?

For in that moment of seeing two laughing children, and a smiling wife, the world seemed complete. When I thought it could get no better than that exact moment in time,

It did.

While the boy was thrown all over his mother, smiling and laughing. The daughter looks up and smiles at me, kisses me on the cheek and says, "I love you daddy".

Then I woke up, with a tear sliding down my face.

The Day Off

In the last couple of months I've learned a lot of ways to alleviate stress within my life, sometimes even getting rid of it all together. There are tons of techniques out there that can decrease stress levels in your life, most of them being fairly simple.

1. There's mediating.
2. Taking deep breathes, long deep breathes, or "woosah-ing".
3. Taking a moment to gather your bearings
4. Reaching out to someone to talk, or tweeting through it.
5. One of my favorites, the stress ball.
6. Finding something that makes you laugh really hard.
7. Turning on some music
8. Working out, or as I like to call it, "The Running Method".
9. Walking during the first available break during the day.
10. Or just simply closing your eyes and remembering all the things you have to be thankful for on a daily basis.

Those are all great techniques for either dealing with something at the moment or at the end of your work day. Like for instance, working out usually solved all the annoyances of day for me. But it wasn't til I dated my ex and she stressed the importance of taking time to yourself and doing things that you like to ease your mind. For instance, when she got off work she took about a good hour or so to unwind. When I started therapy, my therapist suggested that I take a day in the middle of the week to just be by myself and regain focus for the rest of the week, recharging as she liked to call it.

So initially when I took the day to myself, I was of course antsy and felt like I needed to do something, but the following week, after having a rough day at my old job, I just slept in and only got up to use the restroom. When I had to go get something to eat, I went and got me some Chic-Fil-A, sat in the dinning area, and enjoyed my food. Then as I was walking out of the restaurant, I saw the movies and decided I wanted to go see a movie, I think I went to go see Sabotage with Arnold in it. I mean to me the movie was good, because I like the classic action movies in the 90's style.

But the point I'm trying to make is that it benefits you majorly to take the necessary time to get your mind together, no matter how you choose to do it. Alone time is completely healthy and beneficial to your overall sanity. I understand that there are people in this world that can't handle being alone and need people to constantly be around, and to those people I say, tread very lightly. You don't want to over saturate your life with being constantly around someone. Learning to be alone and focus your thoughts is great tool when it comes to getting things accomplished in your life.

It's ok, just take the time to relax & reload, we all need it sometimes.

And I Ain't Ashamed

And you can't say that I ain't changed
Your whole life since we met that day
And when we get it right, God bless that day
But until then, shawty, I just pray
And I just say

I love you and I know you love me too
I love you and I ain't ashamed to beg you to stay
So that we can be together forever
- T.I. & Victoria Monet

So a couple of things led me to write this blog and have the confidence to post it. The first being that I was listening to T.I.'s new album Paperwork and the song Stay came on. It reminds me of a song that I can't think of at the moment. But regardless, I was really jamming the song to begin the day. In case you haven't heard the track yet, check it out below while you scroll or before you finish listening.  


Now that you've heard the song or listening to it, you kind of feel why I'm listening to the song right now. If you follow my blog, you know EXACTLY why I'm really listening to the song. But yea that was the first part of the day when I was listening to the album again. Then at the same time I was jamming and feeling the message, I get this email from a follower of the blog. The email was pretty in depth about the content, the new look and what I'm trying to do. It was an overall great & encouraging email, but there was one part that stood out to me, click the image to make it bigger:

Then instead of tweeting my reaction, I held it in and reached out to my therapist via phone call. Now usually I wait til our normal day of therapy, but seeing as how I don't any more sessions left but one next month, I wanted to get her opinion on the mater. She listened to the information I gave her, and then she simply put, "write on it, and post it. You're a blogger, do what bloggers do, write and be done with it". So with those three things happening within moments of each other, literally, I ultimately decided to write one of my upfront blogs about this because it's rather, annoying.

I have a blog that explains in detail about what I post and what not that's coming next month. I wanted to touch on this topic specifically because a lot of people think, well whatever what they want to. Most of it is as far from the truth as can be. I write about her because simply put, I still have those same feelings for her, because that's how love goes in the real world, ya know? The way that I incorporate the things that I've learned from that relationship, and the way I talk about her are purely on my end, and my end alone.

My intentions aren't to kiss ass, trying to illicit emotion from her or even trying to pick up women, I don't even know how you could do that. So when people say things like "If I were her, I'd be flattered that you wrote about me & I would try to talk to you". Well she's not the typical person, she's her own, and that's just not how the real world works. While I don't press any kind of issue with her, I at the same time feel things and I tend to write about them and share them, well not everything I write. That's how blogging tends to work, you write about how you feel because you need to express yourself, you don't do it looking for awards or responses. I don't know how she feels about the situation, I don't know what she's thinking about said situation, I don't seek reciprocation from her about my blogs on the matter. I honestly don't even know if she reads them, I'm more inclined to say that she doesn't.

Responses like the email above are typically the responses that are more so along the lines of what I look for because they understand I'm just here writing and I'm just here expressing myself. But at the same time that email above really touched a spot because it made me think of all the good ol things that make me still love her. So with that being said, when I write about her, I have zero shame in my game. I learned a lot, and I'm still learning a lot, that's what you're suppose to do when you're a human and want to get better. But don't assume that just because I write about her, you know how one is suppose to think or feel. That's just annoying to me most of the times when I hear those comments. Thought I'd put that out there because I've been hearing a lot about it lately.

I write for me & my feelings, one day I'll come across that bridge of having to talk about it. But until then, I'll just keep on writing, and I'll continue not being ashamed of describing how much I love her.

Until next time guys.

A Year Ago Today ..

It started by chance.
By a sheer occurrence.
A mutual "friend".
Who would've known the results.
Everything happened for reason.
Everything was thrown in.
Effort was maximized.
Effort was recognized.
Not a moment was wasted.
Not a moment taken for granted.
It was a whirlwind.
It was something from within.
Moments that took the breathe away.
Moments that caused anger.
Lessons given.
Lessons learned.
Many ups.
With many downs.
Many months gone.
Many months coming.
Not a moment I wish was changed.
Everything was learned.
Knowledge was gained.
A year ago, today.
No stone left unturned.
No feeling left unchanged.
A year ago life was turned upside down.
A year ago, life was made better.
So one year ago today,
Is one year I will forever save.
Hopefully one year ago this coming year,
Will turn into two years ago.
With you.