Rants & Raves IX

The most important thing is honesty, integrity, hard work, 
Family; never forgetting where we came from. 
See, you are what you are in this world, 
That’s either one of two things: 
Either you're somebody .. or you’re nobody. 
- Frank Lucas

I'm really not understanding why people think all of a sudden that my personal life & my personal business is any of their own to know. Now I get the whole telling people stuff because they genuinely care and want to be in the loop in case something happens to you, but in the same breath, that's rather annoying. I'm not really the type to tell people too much that goes on because life changes, and it changes at any given second. So it's like I can tell you I'm pushing tomatoes on a cart one day, but I might get offered a job selling oranges on the freeway in the same day that I tell you I'm pushing tomatoes in the cart. So if I'm worried about maximizing my profit in the orange selling business, then why would I want you to continuously bring up the tomato pushing business when in factually, I'm not thinking twice about it. I kind of have a narrow mindset when it comes to evolving on a daily basis. Yea I know the history of things and always take in account what happened during those situations and base my decisions off what I learned, because after all, that's the whole point of learning, ya know?

But it seems like when you're trying to continuously evolve to the point where you don't have to be as aggressive as you need to be, (which is probably never to be honest), people like to always pull you back to the past because they can't keep up with the flow. Now while people think it's a dig at certain people, I assure you it's not, because no one is that important where I single you out. I don't blame people for asking questions out of genuine concern for my personal well being and wanting to help, but sometimes people just have to learn how to chill out and just let things flow. You don't need to know my every single move, that's why I don't post every single thing that I do to social networks. Those people also get on my nerves a little, and why do people continuously make these long drawn out posts on FaceBook letting everyone know their personal life. If it's that serious, make a blog or vlog and have people subscribe, or go therapy, weirdo's. But hey, it's your Facebook page, and you can post anything your heart desires, as long as it's legal and morally right of course. I usually just unfollow those kind of people anyways. But that's just something I never got.

While I'm on the topic of trying to move on to the next phase in life as an adult.

Why is it that these days it seems like people want you to fit in more than they want you to be your own person and stand out. I mean it's probably always been the same since the dawn of the time, but with the advances in how we can share information with each other, it just seems like people want you to do what they want you to do, and not cause any problems, or rather make them comfortable. Now I'm far removed from caring too much what people think of me, matter of fact, one of my biggest flaws use to be why people made such the dumb ass moves that they made when making decisions. I know I'm not one that has a lot of patience and tend to want things done quick and efficient as possible, but some stuff just makes you scratch your lead like, what? People will always put you in that box of who they think you are and what they think you should be. Some people love stuff like that because of some backwards logic of feeling accepted. I like to think of it as the "crab in a bucket theory". Now as of late I haven't really been trying to stand out, sort of going with the flow of things, but something in me just said enough is enough. I've been too dormant for too long and I'm ready, or I have been ready actually for the next step. I've been doing a lot to make some moves and what not, and I decided to branch out and do even more. Like I told you guys before, mama said "try and do a million and one things, eventually one will pan out." But I think it's important to go after what you truly want out of life and not let others discourage you, and not only that have the courage to fail. Too many people think that things in this day and age are a quick and easy come up. If you actually look at it, it's kind of harder to succeed because there is so many other people trying to be what you want to be, so you have to be more creative than the the person in front of you and even more creative than the person standing behind you.

But if you stand up and chase after that one thing that you truly feel in the heart is yours and won't stop at anything to get it, then and only then will it become attainable. And then when you achieve it, you'll feel that weight lifting off your chest and you'll be that much happier. But even at the end of that, you have to keep on top of keeping that in which you covet so much safe and away from the person that sees you with that shiny new toy. But I believe with that if it's something that you want, you'll figure out a way to keep it safe.

But it's sad to see that as the days go on, the war on African Americans is become more and more violent.
So many African American's are being singled out and being brutally gunned down in the middle of the street mob style by the same people that swore an oath to protect every citizen equally, and also those who live in this country "free of prejudice". Now I'm not one of those people that stand there and say fuck police at the top of their lungs and all that stuff 24/7. Because at the end of the day, just like people, all cops are not the same. But it seems as the majority are pretty messed up and biased. The events in Ferguson, MO can be best summarized in my own thoughts and words as "African American's being fed up of people brutally killing our people with no kind of justice in site". I come from racist ass South Carolina, no other way to describe that place. I'm not throwing anyone that I know who is not African American under the bus from there that I know, but I've had my fair share of run ins with Caucasians growing up. Whether it's seeing a Klansmen tell me to my face that he hopes they, and I'm quoting here, "kill my little nigger ass before I steal from the system", all the way to literally getting chased down to the corner to store with my friend as we were walking on a public street. Those are just two incidents where I experienced racism. In fact, I've seen enough racism to spot out a racist just by hearing the words that come out there mouth and the mannerisms in which they deliver it. While I'm not a supporter of the looting because one it destroys the economy even further of a place that wasn't that great to begin with, and that it also gives the same people that brutally murdered one of my own the ammunition to use even more deadlier force, as evident of the full tactical gear being used.

I'm going to say here that the gear and forced that they used in Ferguson, MO was not only excessive, but it was also not needed. The fact that there are people actually debating the use of such gear as "standard" riot gear, are both delusional, and they are trying to hide their racism behind defending the gear. That is not a question or an unfair assessment, it's a damn fact. Like I told the young lady when I was telling her such gear wasn't needed, they day the American people think it's ok to walk into a American city with the same gear that we us overseas in tactical operations while defending this country, is the day that American people are lost. There is no reason why you should be using gas of any kind on peaceful protestors, and media alike. I honestly can't even type about this because there are so many thoughts running through my head of all the crazy things that I have seen from the actors agreeing with the police force, the governor or mayor not acting fast enough, all the way to a news anchor suggesting they use water cannons on the crowd. I could literally sit her and rail off a list of events, people and times where crowds have been left free to do worse and the police just stood idly by. I commend the people there in their unwavering support of wanting justice, and everywhere else with peaceful demonstrations. & in the moment where the whole world is showing their outpour of support for each Mike Brown, and condemning the American government for their actions, is a moment I take pride in. There was always a change needed here in this country since it's inception, not only for African American's, but every other race here. That time is now.

The last thing I wanted to save for last and touch on is one of my favorite actors, Robin Williams.

I for one find that suicide is a depressing topic whether or not if you agree with it. I for one do not agree with it, have I thought about it, yes I have, am I perfect, no I am not. But I'm not going to sit here and judge anyone who has committed suicide. I know it's the coward way out of doing things and that it should never be considered an option to handle problems. Thus I don't like how people are kind of glorifying his death. But in the same breath, he is a man who has brought smiles to millions and millions of more people across the world. Whether he was playing Pan, Ms. Doutbfire, Genie, that crazy scientist on Flubber or a teaching daring you to be a better human that what the books teach you. Depression is just a touchy topic that I do not like talking about. There are always those people that say you only go as low as you'll take yourself. Those same people in the same breath do not know what the bottom looks like, because if you knew what was at the bottom or ever took a peak to see what was down there, then you know that's a place where you do not ever want to be. It's crazy to see judgment for a man a situation where they have no idea about. Then there are the people that know what the bottom looks like and still condemning the man. Like I said, I do not agree with suicide in an sense, but in the same breath the level of judgment that he is receiving is crazy. One of the things that I learned coming out of college was to never judge any person because every persons situation is different. If I know a person is dealing with depression, then it's my duty to help them either get out of it and see the brighter joys of life, or refer them to someone that can. Because I've been that low in my life and luckily I have people that love me enough that helped me through and I have the mental will power to get myself out of a rut like that. But in the end, we lost someone who was battling demons that we have no idea about, just like all the greats in life, he finally lost his battle.

Seeing him losing made me think of the one thing that I want the most in this world, and that's a family. My own family where I can love a woman that passionately and teach my children the ways the world the best that I can while helping them through their pains and heartaches. I legit just sat back and thought of loving a woman so much that I am willing to create new human's on this earth that will embody all of the best things we have to offer and watch them come into their own and bring the greatest good they can. I especially started thinking about the daughter that I want, so she can embody her mother in every aspect and just inherit my toughness lol. But thinking and talking about having a daughter will make me go back down the road of thinking about my ex, and I'm not really trying to beat a dead horse into the ground at this particular moment. I realized I don't talk about my ex as much as I should in my blogs beyond the abstract. If you ever wondered why I miss her so much and why she has my nose wide open, well just watch the series Martin by Martin Lawrence, she's pretty much my Gina.

But any who, I'm off this, before I go I just wanted to throw out this Common lyric that I heard while writing this, it inspired the last paragraph. Until later.

Waiting for the Lord to rise
I look into my daughter's eyes
And realize that I'm gonna learn through her
The Messiah, might even return through her
If I'm gonna do it, I gotta change the world through her
- Common

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