Finally, I'm Scared Again.


What I find really interesting is to try and mix it up,
to push myself and try different things.
I don't want to stay in my comfort zone.
I want to take risks and keep myself scared.
- Michael Fassbender

As I sit and think about all the major things that I've done in my life, there has always been that time when I doubted myself repeatedly and thought that maybe I shouldn't be doing it, regardless what it was. What set me apart from a lot of people was my ability to actually step out and just do it. I don't really know where I got that from, but I've always been the one to just go out and do something new and unknown despite the implications it could have on my life. Thinking back, whenever I did that, it always had positive returns because I usually went in with the expectations of trying to do my best, or better than everyone else. I've always heard that the most successful people are the ones who do the things that no one else is willing to do, better than expected. Then I heard somewhere that if you volunteer to do the unexpected then anything that you do after that is victory because you've already proven yourself fearless and courageous to go against the status quo.

But what happens when you regress?

It's a tad bit different for a person who has been there and seen what the fruits of labor can be versus a person who has never been there and probably never will be because they lack the effort of the gumption to do something different. With the man who has been there and has regressed for various reasons, he kind of goes through a period of self doubt, being unsure, and whole bunch of laziness. Now typically a man who has a great support system, and an even better will, can pull himself up out of that hole. He just has to get past the pity part to see that everything isn't as bad as he thought it was. Actually when thinking about it as I wrote that, nothing is too much different besides the fact that he doesn't have that "go for it" mentality at the moment. That one character trait sets the dreamers apart from the doers. So once he regains that, he regains the power to do anything.

That's exactly where I am at the moment.

For so long I didn't have the character trait that set me apart from so many of my peers for so long. I was just blending into the crowd, being like everyone else. There were many reasons for that, but the biggest one had to be laziness. I became too comfortable in my ways after getting out of the Army that I forgot what it meant to get out and get what I want, however that may have come. One day I sat down and had a long talk with myself about what it is that I want out of life. I realized that everything that I want requires work and dedication now, so I can enjoy them later. Now once I sat down and set goals for myself and then mapped out how to get them, I just sat back and thought to myself. How? When? Where will it come? Then I started thinking to myself, "what if it never comes, what if I never get it right"? Then in that moment I realized that I was back because my initial answer to all those questions was:

"Well if I don't get what I want, then I'm going down in a blaze of glory because I refuse to say I didn't try".

That's my thought process for everything that I've ever done in my lifetime. Basically when I wanted to do something, I just said to myself, "fuck it, why not"? That's the thought process I think everyone should have after initially feeling that unsure or scared thought in their head. Because when you go out and you either obtain or failed, you can at least say that you tried and that you learned what not to do, thus being able to adjust plans without feeling like you're doing something that is something like the second option. Being scared of doing something let's me know that I should be doing it. With that understanding, after feeling scared, then realizing that it's something that I need to do, I feel a rush of adrenaline, I feel a burst of energy. That's life right there. Without feeling scared I would've never went to various programs for education, I would've never went off to college, I would've never jumped out of the airplane, most importantly, I would've never found love.

So with all that being said, if you feel that hint of being scared and doubting yourself, then you should go ahead and just do it without second thought. There will always be people that will agree with the notion of you being scared and try to persuade you to not do something that you're thinking about doing, but that's what those people are suppose to do. Those are the same people who, when you do something they don't expect you to do, are envious of your results. That type of going out on a limb just creates all kinds of confidence, and an intelligent person because you learned from the experience

I found the little part of me that's scared again. I'm pretty happy that I did, because that adventurous go out on a limb part of me is back in full swing. And I'm ready to conquer my dreams with ease. I dare you to do the same.

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