What I Really Want From Her ..


And if the rain stops,
& everything's dry,
She would cry,
Just so I could drink the tears from her eyes.
- Lupe Fiasco

I was asked a funny question, yet it was a question that I couldn't fully answer without thinking to myself. One of my friends, female of course, asked me why I was single, my reply was "I'm not ready at this point in my life, I need to learn myself a little bit more and become somewhat established in a career field before I think about taking on a woman in my life". Bu that wasn't the question that got me confused. That question came in the form of:

"What are you going to do when that woman randomly bumps into you one day and just steals your breath"

I started to utter the phrase, "I don't believe a woman could do that", but my friend quickly reminded me that I am one of few men who actually believes in the notion that I will find my wife as the type to fall in love on first sight. She even went as far as to say that I'm on the right path to finding her because of my previous answer saying that I'm more likely to find that woman because I am indeed "doing all the things that make you happy, therefore you're going to run into a woman who is doing the same thing that is making herself happy." 

That was a very, very, very good point. So as I sat back with a smirkish grin on my face she once again asked me, "what are you going to do when that woman bumps into, stops you, or you see her across the room and she smiles at you & makes you forget every single person, thing and thought in that very moment?" Good question, what would I do ..


Before I could answer any such question I had to first evaluate myself. Where exactly am I on a mental state? What do I want to do as far as my future and fun is concerned? Well as far as my future is concerned, I have that figured out, I don't share such information with many people, just have faith that I know what I want to do lol. But as far as fun, well, it's safe to say that long gone are the days of partying Thursday through Saturday, getting drunk and wasted out of memory, staying out to 5am, sleeping til noon & looking for the next party. I have no desire to set foot in a club what so ever. I did however find me a nice chill bar on Wednesdays that I can go to. I have a bartender, well two when the alternate, they mix me strong drinks and I tip them well. Oh and there are dollar beers that I buy 10 for my two homeboys that come out every week. I spend about 20 bucks the whole night. I go to festivals and I'm more so interested in going to see cool special exhibits when they come to the museum. I like going downtown to all the  cultural festivals. I want to go on trips to do things other than partying, I want to site see, be a tourist and take cool ass pictures. I want to go to snazzy restaurants that are in the cut that have great food and drink specials with a nice special feel to them. As some would say, I switched from being hip to an old man.

So with that being said, I kind of, scratch that, I don't want a woman that feels the need to be in the club every single Friday and Saturday. I mean I go to the bar every Wednesday with my homeboys just to do a little mid-week unwind and see if there's anything worth doing for the upcoming weekend, so its completely fair if she wants to go out with her home girls and what not when she wants, hell I would want the same level of trust for when I say I'm doing things with the homeboys so I have to allot her that same level. But I do want her to be open to doing things that are different. Skydiving, Ziplining, going to Puerto Rico or Jamaica and swim with some dolphins. Have a genuine interest in going to festivals and actually wanting to go to experience other people's cultures and learn things from them. I would love to travel but I'm not taking just anyone who just wants to go just for the sake saying that they went and just go to shop and party. When I go to Greece I want to see the beaches and put my feet in the crystal blue waters, when I go to Paris I want to stand on the Eifel Tower and look over the city and take it in, when I go to China I want to go nice building and see the city glow at night. I just need her to be different.

I understand what I describe is a woman that I would be considering marrying to some standards, but I ask them this, why not? Today people get too caught up in looking for someone to marry when they get to a certain age and settle down with no kind of back story to how or when they really met and fell in love. A lot of people are just setting down for the sake of settling down. That's such a sad thing to in retrospect because there is no greater feeling than that of losing yourself into another person with no remorse or regret. Getting to know someone is where half the fun is, the other half is keeping them around and continuously doing fun and exciting things throughout the rest of your time together in life if you remain together. 

I want to be with a woman I can look at everyday and feel the same way I did when I first looked at her. I want to randomly wake up on the beach of the Dominican Republic, with the sound of the ocean in the back and the sun beaming down on her face and she smiles so beautiful that even the darkest part of my heart smiles. I want to be able to go home and she's cooking or I'm cooking and we both get equally surprised and excited that there's someone there who wants to try to make new things to no only impress the other person but also try something out of the box. I want someone who I don't have to worry about when they are out and about having fun because she knows what right and wrong is, and doesn't even care of give a second look to the foolishness. I want that hair tied, sweatshirt, sweatpants, tube socks look because that's the moment that she entrusts to me her true and chill state, and at that moment she'll look even more beautiful to me. I want inside jokes, I want random kisses just because, i want her to pout so when I kiss her on the forehead and wrap my arms around her she cant help my smile hard into my chest. I want those random little surprises of things that I tell her that like so she can make it come back in some form or fashion. I want her to realize that the world is full of problems but at the end of the day she knows that God has her back and that he is allowing me to either protect her or make sure to wipe the tears away and let her know that everything gets better in time. I want a woman who knows that I've been hurt in the past, hurt badly, and I want her to know how to make me trust again and that it will be worth it in the end. I want her to know how awesome 90's R&B songs are and how they will make the whole love making experience ten times better. I want her to watch sports with me & I want to watch all the stupid stuff she watches lol. I want to be able to play in her hair without consequence. I want to be able to head to work in the morning and smack her on the ass for a little extra motivation. I want her to be able to come around my friends and mingle with them with no problems because she knows that they will accept her as long as she keeps a smile on my face. I want her to be able to meet my family with no hesitation and I want to be able to look her father in the eye and say with no words "you can rest easy, she's in great hands now." I want her to know that there is no other woman out there that can even dream of doing 1/3 of what she does for me and to me. I want to walk by a group of super models with our fingers intertwined and they all get jealous because they see how much that we are together that we don't even notice them but our true task at hand. I want that smile. But most of all ..

I want a woman that's willing to become my best friend, so we can take a bunch of great & memorable times, and turn that into a forever.

3 comments

  1. Any time a person is able to purely open themselves to the world about their thoughts, needs, and wants.. without a care is a beautiful thing. Good job. Btw... those things you referenced switched you to being "hip"... not old ;-)

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  2. sounds like you've already found her...

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  3. Very deep post. I love it! Old man? Naaaah, just growing up :) I think it's lovely. I think it's very important to evaluate yourself before trying to settle down with someone. You definitely gotta make sure you're good and good with yourself before you bring in someone else. I'm sure you'll find the person you're describing because you're an awesome person yaself!

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