Nowhere, But Yet, Everywhere.

It's time to begin, isn't it?

I get a little bit bigger, but then I'll admit,

I'm just the same as I was.

Don't you understand,

That I'm never changing who I am.

- Imagine Dragons

When it comes to blogging I consider one person in the same lane, on the same level as I am, in terms of thinking & content. And that would be Devri Velazquez. Majority of her content usually hits some kind point in my mind that triggers a very deep thought process. In case you didn't know, anything that triggers a very deep thought process is a great thing. Her blog post "belonging far away from here" did just that. I implore you to go read it before you continue on reading this blog so you'll have a better understanding of this one.

Its ok, I'll wait.

You're back? Ok cool, let's finish.

Every single person on this planet has a hole in their heart that cannot be filled. It's a yearning, a burning desire, a continuous desire to chase something til you feel the sense of euphoria of completing it. It's what drives us, it's apart of what makes us human. The will to do what we have to do to fill that hole, whether good or bad, is a very powerful feeling. Now some people eventually fill that hole and become completely satisfied in life. That point comes in old age, a traumatic experience, or they simply just get lucky enough to obtain it. Others spend a lifetime looking for fortunes, spending fortunes, studying something, looking for answers or they simply just spend a lifetime wishing they had something in their possession that they don't.

After reading "belonging far away from here" I realized that I have a desire to constantly be on the move, traveling, experiencing different things, people, cultures, you know, Wanderlust. Those questions she posed triggered something in my mind that made me realize that what I want to try to fill that hole with is experiencing the world as seen through so many pictures that I see everyday. There are so many things in this world that is awesome if you give it a chance to be. Yea I want to see The Coliseum in Rome, the crystal blue oceans on the Dominican Republic, snow falling on the Eiffel Tower & the great pyramids of Egypt. There are just so many other places that need to be seen. One thing she did ask that really caught my attention was:

"Will you learn to realize that they aren’t your makers and their opinion doesn’t matter? Or will you choose to ignore that notion and continue with your everyday life suffering in your own physical body from the mental torment you give yourself?"

That quote made me realize a lot, but the main thing being how held back people are within their own mind, hindering their willingness to experience other cultures. I always get asked the "why would you" and the "what for" from people who want to spend their time doing the same thing, with the same the same people, in the same places. And that is completely fine, for them. I use to become nervous and overwhelmed from experiencing new cities until I made a trip to Washington, D.C. last year by myself & saw it wasn't as bad as I was making it out to be. All in all I think it's a great & exciting thing to know what drives a person to fill that hole in their heart. Knowing or having a specific goal is what drives the great ones, the ones who know what they want and they go after it by any and every means available to them. Take the time to sit back and analyze your life, discover what you want & make the  adjustments to go after it. Don't waste years of your life doing and being someone that everyone wants you to be. Don't be afraid to take risks & chances, after all, you only have one life to live. Might as well live it the way you want.

I always found it funny when people tell me that I deserve to be happy. I found it funny for reasons being that no one on this earth deserves anything really. Everyone has to work hard for the opportunity to do anything in life. So with that thought process, I always felt the need to work extra hard to be happy. I never fully realized how flawed that way of thinking was. No one should have to sit and fight to be happy; no one should have to sit and worry on a daily basis about most things, having to remind themselves to take time to do something that makes them happy. No one should have to explain themselves to people close to them why doing certain things makes them happy. The explanation and the effort should never be in question, ever. I didn't realize such things before going into therapy. I didn't realize how much effort I was exerting in recent years to accommodate for other people's lifestyle. I thought to myself, "hey these are my friends & I should take their feelings into consideration", that was all wrong according to my real friends.

I'm typically not a person who does what other people want me to do; I actually do what I want to do quite often, even if that means me doing things alone. I use to think that my "get up and get things done now" attitude was the wrong thing, when in fact, that's apart of whom I am. I keep things in order in my home and personal life, and then when it's time to get up and get things done, I can efficiently and quickly get them done. I guess that's why so many of my friends ask me to make all the decisions in terms of what we're going to do, where we're going to do it, and when we need to go do it. Slowing down to other people's speed and waiting for them isn't my deal. I'm the move maker and the way creator. I'm the person that just up's and do things whenever I feel like doing it, and that's what makes me happy, that's what makes me an awesome person in the eyes of my friends.

So at the end of the day, find what makes YOU happy, and do just that, because you'll drive yourself up a wall trying to be what everyone else wants you to be.