And I Ain't Ashamed

And you can't say that I ain't changed
Your whole life since we met that day
And when we get it right, God bless that day
But until then, shawty, I just pray
And I just say

I love you and I know you love me too
I love you and I ain't ashamed to beg you to stay
So that we can be together forever
- T.I. & Victoria Monet

So a couple of things led me to write this blog and have the confidence to post it. The first being that I was listening to T.I.'s new album Paperwork and the song Stay came on. It reminds me of a song that I can't think of at the moment. But regardless, I was really jamming the song to begin the day. In case you haven't heard the track yet, check it out below while you scroll or before you finish listening.  


Now that you've heard the song or listening to it, you kind of feel why I'm listening to the song right now. If you follow my blog, you know EXACTLY why I'm really listening to the song. But yea that was the first part of the day when I was listening to the album again. Then at the same time I was jamming and feeling the message, I get this email from a follower of the blog. The email was pretty in depth about the content, the new look and what I'm trying to do. It was an overall great & encouraging email, but there was one part that stood out to me, click the image to make it bigger:

Then instead of tweeting my reaction, I held it in and reached out to my therapist via phone call. Now usually I wait til our normal day of therapy, but seeing as how I don't any more sessions left but one next month, I wanted to get her opinion on the mater. She listened to the information I gave her, and then she simply put, "write on it, and post it. You're a blogger, do what bloggers do, write and be done with it". So with those three things happening within moments of each other, literally, I ultimately decided to write one of my upfront blogs about this because it's rather, annoying.

I have a blog that explains in detail about what I post and what not that's coming next month. I wanted to touch on this topic specifically because a lot of people think, well whatever what they want to. Most of it is as far from the truth as can be. I write about her because simply put, I still have those same feelings for her, because that's how love goes in the real world, ya know? The way that I incorporate the things that I've learned from that relationship, and the way I talk about her are purely on my end, and my end alone.

My intentions aren't to kiss ass, trying to illicit emotion from her or even trying to pick up women, I don't even know how you could do that. So when people say things like "If I were her, I'd be flattered that you wrote about me & I would try to talk to you". Well she's not the typical person, she's her own, and that's just not how the real world works. While I don't press any kind of issue with her, I at the same time feel things and I tend to write about them and share them, well not everything I write. That's how blogging tends to work, you write about how you feel because you need to express yourself, you don't do it looking for awards or responses. I don't know how she feels about the situation, I don't know what she's thinking about said situation, I don't seek reciprocation from her about my blogs on the matter. I honestly don't even know if she reads them, I'm more inclined to say that she doesn't.

Responses like the email above are typically the responses that are more so along the lines of what I look for because they understand I'm just here writing and I'm just here expressing myself. But at the same time that email above really touched a spot because it made me think of all the good ol things that make me still love her. So with that being said, when I write about her, I have zero shame in my game. I learned a lot, and I'm still learning a lot, that's what you're suppose to do when you're a human and want to get better. But don't assume that just because I write about her, you know how one is suppose to think or feel. That's just annoying to me most of the times when I hear those comments. Thought I'd put that out there because I've been hearing a lot about it lately.

I write for me & my feelings, one day I'll come across that bridge of having to talk about it. But until then, I'll just keep on writing, and I'll continue not being ashamed of describing how much I love her.

Until next time guys.

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