Rebuilt In Silence

There's a certain power in being able to be alone.

I know there are a lot of people out there that constantly tell me that being alone as much as I am isn't healthy, that too much time alone will ultimately hinder me socially awkward and introverted. They told me that I would end up alone, bitter, angry, scared and depressed. That I wouldn't know how to effectively communicate with other humans and that my job performance would suffer immensely from not having enough time to practice talking to other people. They told me that it would destroy me until there was nothing left to destroy.

Well guess what, they lied.

Being alone has probably been one of the greatest things that has ever happened to me. Many people can't handle their own thoughts because they can't handle the truth and reality of their own situation. None of that doesn't apply to me because I've learned to master who I am as a person, or at the very least I've been brutally honest with myself time and time again. Every single morning when I wake up I look at the man in the mirror and we have a little pow wow. Every morning I'm honest about where I've been, where I am and where I want to go. This allows me a fresh perspective on what I need to get accomplished for the day.

It allows me to keep myself focused on the tasks at hand.

There are times where I look around and I see things that annoy me because I feel like they shouldn't bother that person. I feel like that the things they obsess over, like money, people's feelings and keeping up with the Joneses, should not really be things in their life. But then I remembered that it's not my life and it's not place to dictate what other people should and shouldn't be worrying over. I realized that it's my place to worry about me and what's important to my life and that within itself is the ultimate reward.

The only reason I came this far is because I spent a lot of time alone after things fell apart in my life. I went into seclusion and I just stopped talking to everyone because I needed to gain clarity. A lot of people say that's a bad thing to do when you're depressed and looking for some sort of comfort, but I wasn't looking for comfort, I was looking for answers.

I was looking for a change.

In that silence, in those moments where it was just me and all of my thoughts, I found the one thing that most won't seem to endure those grueling moments for: I found the light of my life. I found out what I was doing wrong, I found out what I liked and hated, I found out what I was missing out on, I found what I was doing that wasn't working, I just found all of the answers as to why I kept messing up. I found all of the reasons I needed to move forward in life. It wasn't easy either, it was a lot of hard and long days that broke me down to unbearable levels.

But I rose above it all and I found the peace I needed to do right by people. When I found that light it made me a more sociable person. It made me more of a go getter and made me focus on my own goals for a change. It made me get away from the toxic people in my life that contributed to my bad habits. I would even go as far as saying that it opened my eyes and made me realize that I needed to be a man and no longer a little boy hiding behind childish things.

That's what the silence did for me; it forced me to grow up.

I say this because a lot of people ask me what did I do to become a happier version of myself. I tell them that I spent time alone learning who I was, that I wanted to look in the mirror and see who I was without anyone's input on who they thought I should be. I know that scares a lot of people, the who idea of being alone, but when you go into with the objective of finding out what makes you better as a person; well you've already won half of the battle right there. In order to make a sincere change you have to be willing to go to heights and lows that you've never been to. Because in those moments of high and lows you'll find out who you really are.

And in those moments of silence, I learned exactly who I was: a man who can do anything.

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