Say No More

"You rarely get what you put out into the world,
If you did then life would be too easy and we all would know better."

Recently in life I just learned about how important time is, like every single second of your time. Well not recently, more like a couple of a months ago, so I've been actively practicing utilizing my time. Once I realized how important my time and every single thing that I do in relation to the overall long time security of my life, I started to become a wiser and harder person to be around. And the only reason I'm a harder to be around is because they people who I'm usually around can't understand my sense of needing to get things done sooner rather than later. So what's the answer to those people always having a problem with how I move and do things now? It's quite simple actually, stop hanging out with those people. The people who understand that I'm moving with a purpose simply move to the side and wait for me to slow down and talk to them for a minute. Those kind of people are the real friends that you need to keep around, those are the friends that will encourage you to keep the same pace and will let you know when to slow down.

They will be there to be a friend when they need to be a friend.

But that's just one lane that I've dealt with head on in the last few months, another one that I've silently but effectively dealt with happens to be unnecessarily complicated dating life. I say it's unnecessarily complicated because I'm not a complicated person when it boils down to the commitment and output aspects of it. This may come ass conceited or whatever way to a lot of people, but the few that do it right will understand when I say that I know my stock is way too valuable to be competing or putting up with bullshit at any point of a relationship. I know my worth, I know what I bring to the table that makes the food taste that much better, therefore I'm not going to let just any woman sit at my table. It took me a while and a lot of self analyzation on how valuable of a human I am period, so when I got to the point where I just knew how high people hold me in regards to setting the standard, seeing a lot of women that I've dealt with for who they are came naturally.

And when I realized that, I was fed up with their shit immediately.

One of the things that I tell women who I deal with right off the bat, tell me the truth no matter how bad YOU may think it is. I say that line flat out to them each and every time, and all but two have actually done it. I like to have as much clarity as possible with a woman so she can determine whether or not they want to be with me at the end of the day, because that's a big chunk of her life right there. Devoting any kind of time to any kind of person is huge, no matter how minuscule you make think it is, it always ends up being huge in retrospect. But people don't see it like that, they think that a person is irrelevant when it comes to future situations, but when all of those feelings come rushing back in a situation, whether good or bad, it's a culmination of all of the things and people you have been with, it's receipts that you thought you lost in the trash.

I like to think that by me saying: "hey tell me everything so I know how to properly react", would be the biggest flag of saying I'm willing to work on anything as long as you can be honest to yourself and then honest to me. But that usually never works out for the simple fact that people feel like they have to hide every single thing in hopes they don't ruin a good thing. And just to clear this up, I'm not talking about the little situations that you can handle by yourself, I'm talking about the big situations where it's going to affect me in some kind of way down the road. People only think about themselves typically in a relationship and that usually is the down fall when it comes to the relationships that I've been in. I'm nearing 30, so with each and every situation I put myself in with a woman, and with each let down I can honestly say I'm becoming less and less excited about the possibility of marriage and having children.

In my life of complete simplicity and transparency in terms of relationships on all levels, I'm just not there anymore. I'm shying more and more away from personal interactions because it's just not beneficial to me in any kind of way. And some will say that's a horrible thing, but I'm speaking in terms of emotional integrity here. If something drains you emotionally, then it's never conducive to your overall health. When I sat back and did all of that analyzing, I realized that none of the women I had interest in or entertain are conducive to the overall growth of emotional stability, not a single one. And upon realizing that and subsequently letting them know what I knew and that I wasn't down for it, I became that much better of a person.

I don't usually give anyone any kind of slack, but when it came to women I of course gave a lot of slack because I'm human and I desire a connection. But now that I'm getting into that groove of being on my own and being comfortable with the possibility of living life alone and not having the one thing that I want, that slack is gone. I'm not stupid or oblivious by any stretch of the imagination, but people think since I don't mention something or bring it up then I simply don't know or I let it go for the sake of letting it go. That's not even close to being true, I simply give people enough rope to hang themselves with, so when it comes time to kick that bucket from out under you, you've hung yourself on your own accord. Women hate when I show up with the evidence against them, and then try to argue that I do practice when I preach, but when I bring up instances where I gave them a chance to put it out there what I know already, they back peddle and just get mad.

By that point I honestly don't care anymore, at that point I'm just trying to show you the effects of not being forthcoming about your actions and how it got YOU to this point. When I'm with a woman, I'm with that woman, I have no desire to be with another woman or even look at another woman. This is because I spend ample time getting to know you through a friend basis and when it gets to that point I've done my due diligence in terms of research and seeing if I can trust you enough to actually date. So after I start dating a woman I still give her that area to make mistakes and get rid of the dudes that haven't been doing anything for them. But after a certain point that wiggle room disappears and they have to act accordingly, and most of the time humans are going to human and they are going to not be what you put out. And I would be remiss if I didn't acknowledge I too have shortcomings of my own, but not in terms of being 100% there for the person I'm with or dating, so I accept nothing less on that front.

At the end of the day it's what you put out, it's what you want to take in, and it's all of what you can put up with. I simply can't and will not put up with not having someone honest around because it's not fair to me. When I'm sitting here and I clean off the palate for you so you can have all of the colors of my life to make a painting, then what sense does it make to have someone on your palate the same time as me, I won't have all the colors to use for my masterpiece. With every single instance where a woman can't be forthcoming as I am, and they can't tell the truth as I do, then that simply just pushes me away further from what I want in life in terms of a family. Sometimes you have to be honest with yourself and ask is this for you right now or at any point in your life, and settling for less is something I will never do. Being lonely sucks a lot, especially when you think about it being for forever, but I'm more than willing to deal with that if that's how the cards are going to be played in my favor. I trust my Lord and savior Jesus Christ, so that's just how it's going to be, then that's just how it's going to be.

I'm simply not going to cry over spilled milk, I'm just going to mop it up, and keep moving on with breakfast.

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