H.E.R., Part IV | The War For You

But you to taught me how to feel,
When nobody ever would.
And you taught me how to love,
What nobody ever could.
- The Weeknd

It sounded like a good idea at the time.

You probably even felt great. You convinced yourself that there was a sliver of hope & you decided to hang on to that. You said to yourself that no matter who, no matter when, no matter where, you were going to push your way back through & reclaim the top spot. You know how you feel & you know that you are willing to work your ass off to get there. Because it's something you love most in this world. In a world where they tell you it doesn't exist, or so many people tell you to stay away because it's so poisonous. You didn't pay attention because you were motivated by the sheer prospect of it all coming together perfectly. Then one day that moment came when you realized something, as if it hit you right in the face:

The good fight is over.

Admitting defeat was something you never considered for one second. The thought never even entered into the equation when you decided to go all in. When you told yourself that you wanted it more than life itself, you never thought you would end up here. Seeing the little things, the evidence, knowing that it's more than what it seems. The feelings drifted into confusion, regret, remorse, fear.

So why is it that you are not bothered one bit by this?

Is it because you're starting to value your own happiness, value your own sanity, value your own dreams, finally valuing your own heart? Or is it that you reached that point of not caring, is it because you've reached the point in saying that the effort isn't worth your time invested. All the things you said you would push aside to get back to the euphoria you once felt, simply came back into the fold. And that pride that you used as a sturdy shield, with the dents & abuse from war, was picked back up. Where you once kneeled, you now stand. Where you once were part of the greater good, you are now back to being the soldier of fortune. It's not a matter of changed feelings on your part, it's just a matter of realizing that no matter how far you've come, the hill will always seem high. No matter how far you go, the road will always be long, and no matter how far you travel, the sea will always be infinite.

But oddly enough, that moment of defeat came, and that moment left. When all else failed, when all else seemed hopeless, you remained sturdy within your decision. When you had nothing left to give, nothing left to offer, nothing left to believe in, you had what you always had since day one, that sliver of hope. That one little piece is what pulled you up off your knees, it's what picked your head up, it's made you take that great big breath and charged forward again.

In the darkest hour, the truest part of your mind shows. When faced with uncertainty and doubt, you always do what you're inclined to do. But this time you didn't do that, you stepped up to the plate, you rose to the occasion. The one thing that you know without a shadow of a doubt to be the driving force behind all of efforts, is what is holding you together now. The one thing that keeps your head above water, and eyes on the prize. When you're down and you have to go to that extra mile, the one thing that has always been there to guide you on your way remains; that one sliver of hope.

And my sliver of hope comes in the form of you.

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