Loving YOUR Lover

With my hands held real tight
Always ready to fight
For the few pieces of joy I have now
You have turned on a light
And I've lost my sight
But my heart still remembers the sound
Of a dream of a love one day found

- Amel Larrieux

One of the most common mistakes in relationships people make is loving someone they want them to be, rather than loving the person that they are.

That seems to be a lot of relationships these days; people aren't really opening their eyes to what really is until it's too late. That's just how things are setup in this fast paced lifestyle, social media controlled world. I know that has been my personal short comings for a lot of my relationships in retrospect, but now when I sit back and my friends talk to me about their relationship problems, it's pretty much the same. They always tell me that they have this problem and that problem, and then they have these wishes for what they want their significant other to be and do. I always ask the same question at the end of listening, "Did you talk to them about it"? The answer to that is usually a no, and then I ask why not, and there's no real answer.

The reason that I ask that question is because no one is going to know your significant other better than you will; you are the person that talks to them the most and spends the most time with them. That's why when people fish for advice from me on what they should be doing; I always tell them that they are the only ones who can answer that question because I'm not the one in the relationship with them. So for me to give my opinion about a situation that I don't have all the sides to the story doesn't really make any sense to me. Well that and that it's unfair to the other person who can't really defend their side of the story.

So my advice is always, and I repeat always, to talk to them and communicate with that person rather than everyone else. I mean sure it's good to talk to someone else that will calm you down and help you get back to being rational, and that's where a lot of people fail. Most people will talk you back up on the ledge because they aren't happy with themselves. Those are the people that you have to stay away from because they are either unhappy with their situations or jealous of yours, either way, get yourself someone that don’t want to benefit on your shortcomings. You should want to gravitate towards those people that want to lift you up to do better.

Because at the end of the day, that person that you're complaining about isn't going to know exactly what's wrong all of the time, that's why communication is vital in relationships, that's where loving your lover comes into play. Only you know how to communicate with that person because you're the one who deals with that person on a daily basis. Not me, your family or a counselor, you. Without actually sitting down and learning who your lover is, then you probably won't succeed at much with them. It's a lot of hard work being with someone, so if you bust your ass and they don't do what you like ultimately, or they bring you down, then it's ok to move on. But what's not fair is not relaying how you feel with them and shutting them out because you don't know how to open your mouth.

Take the time to learn the person you are with because if you take the time with that, and things go accordingly, they will do the same for you. That's the beauty in it all, when you can find someone that will go the extra mile and beyond for you because that's what they want to do. That's why it's important to love the person that you're with, because you never know what could happen with the words you refuse to speak. But that's just my way of thinking, that's what I think might work. Of course I would only think this through the results of trial and error. Maybe it's not the best, maybe it is, that's the beauty of the comments section, so you can disagree or agree, so leave one if you feel otherwise.

Until next time guys.