An Unrequited Love By Melanie Woods

Because, if you could love someone,
And keep loving them, without being loved back,
Then that love had to be real.
It hurt too much to be anything else.
- Sarah Cross

Someone once said "Great friends make great lovers. The longer you’re friends, the more stable your relationship is going to be."

Well, that wasn't true in my case.

I fell in love with my best friend 9 years ago; he was the most intelligent, strong, charming, kind-hearted guy. We talked every day, all day and became very close despite the fact that we had very different upbringings and different interests; we learned a lot from each other. We were great friends, but I often entertained the idea of having a relationship with him, but he didn't feel the same way. I kept telling myself that "He just needs a little time, he'll come around", but he never did. YEARS past and I dated other guys, but no one compared to him. I would never move forward with anyone, because the love was never there, it was with my best friend.

Things got more and more intense; the arguments started and we would stop speaking for a while, (no longer than a month). Things would cool off and then we were back to conversations and casual sex, the usual. I continually gave life to that situation, hoping for the best, compromising my longings for more, trying to convince myself that I was okay with what I was receiving just to keep the connection that we had, which was mostly sexual at that point. I wasn't okay though and the more I waited for something real, the more I waited for a commitment that wasn't going to happen.

The more I saw him doing things with other women that he never did with me, the more it slowed me down and took me further away from myself. I became very insecure, angry, and bitter. Questions surfaced: "What's wrong with me?" "Why doesn't he ask me on a date?" "Why does he compliment other women, and call them beautiful and not me?" "Why won't he commit to me?" I literally asked myself these questions daily. It consumed me and I started to believe I really wasn't good enough. I didn't know what to do. I'd never felt that way before and I was starting to lose myself. I wanted to talk to someone, but I didn't for a long time for fear of being judged or misunderstood. I was now this broken hearted girl who couldn't get over an unrequited love.

I have seen this happen before to other women that I knew and I promised myself to always have the strength to walk away if something falls short of getting what I deserved. You can't make anyone love you or commit to you if they don't want to, period. I knew he wasn't happy with me, I knew he didn't want to be with me, I should've walked away, but I didn't. When it was all said and done, he walked away ..

Right into a relationship with someone new.

I don't believe anyone comes out on the other side of heartbreak the same person. It changes you for the better or worse, that's your decision. I had to really reflect and start dealing with some suppressed issues within myself first before I could move on. It's easy to point the finger at the person that hurt you, but sooner or later you're going to have to be honest with yourself, accept responsibility, and take control again. There are worse things in life than being single, I’m all for healthy love, but that starts with the relationship you have with yourself.

And that's what I'm working on, myself.

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