Being labeled as
an expert or a leader in a particular field or subject matter is one of the
highest honors you can bestow upon someone, well at least it should be. Hearing
lines like "so and so is the leading subject matter expert on this matter" will
always sound so cool to me. That's why when people say to me that I'm an expert
at blogging or an expert at giving relationship advice, I tend to shy away from
it. I don't like it for the simple fact that I don't do the things necessary to
become a subject matter expert in any area. I don't do the countless hours of
research, I don't spend years reviewing real world applications or experiment
synopsis', I simply just give from my personal experiences on subjects. All of
my advice is from what I've been through and from what I've learned from the
people around me, and I take the opinions of a lot of "subject matter experts"
very loosely because sometimes it's a hit or a miss with them. You could
basically sum up my advice as something that I wouldn't tell you to do if I
wouldn't do it myself if I were in your situation, and honestly that's how it
should be.
That brings
me to the topic at hand, relationship advice that is sought out from me.
The top hits on my
blog usually deals with relationships in some form or fashion, that's what most
of the people who know me personally seem to think that's all I blog about. For
a long time it's what I use to just write about solely because at the time those
were the motions that I was going through. During the course of this year I've
shied away from that greatly and tried my hand in several different outlets. I
didn't want to be know as that guy who always talked about relationships on his
blog because that's not really what I'm into right now at this juncture of life.
As you probably noticed recently, I'm talking more and more about what's going
on in this country, unapologetic and with no remorse, while at the same time
talking about the things that I like and love to do. But you can't shy away too
much from what works when it comes to blogging and I don't want to cheat out my
readers who come here for advice in regards to relationships. So that brings me
to why I'm writing about relationships today, and the question that I was asked.
What would
you do if you were in my position?
Believe it or not,
after the full explanation of a situation in which a person comes to me and asks
me about what their boyfriend, (because it's usually women folk who want a man's
perspective on things that ask questions), is thinking I usually tell them the
same thing, nine times out of ten: know your partner. That's the simplest and
most direct advice I will ever give a person because it's the most applicable
and sensible advice there is. I know a lot of people need someone to tell them
exactly what to do and they need someone to give them a piece of advice that
just sounds like the greatest thing since sliced cherry pie on a Sunday
afternoon. The reality of it all is that with all of the advice, with all of the
criticism and with all of the know it all's in this world trying to tell you
what to do about your love life, the only person that can give you the best
advice is yourself. No one is going to know that person you're asking about
because you're the only person that spends that much time with that person, you
literally see this person more than than anyone else, hopefully. So for someone
to tell you what you should do is something that I will never believe in because
only you can truly know what's best for you guys.
The second thing I
tell people to do, which is the hardest part for some reason, is to calm
completely down. No matter how much you think the world is ending, there is
always the fact that you've been through this already. No offense to whoever you
told you that everyone is different, but that's some bullshit. I mean on the
outer layers they are completely different, and the way they go about things
they are completely different, but fundamentally they are not. But there is
nothing wrong with that at all because if we were all different fundamentally,
then there would be no need for learning from past experiences or asking for
advice from people who have been there before you. YOU know what YOU want from a
person, and they know what they want from a person as well. So when you sit down
and talk, you should be able to compromise about the things that the other
person wants and others you can say you aren't budging for. If you don't know
what you want then you should probably leave that person alone because you're
wasting your time and theirs.
The third thing
that I ask the person seeking advice is have they actually talked to the person
about how they feel. I can guarantee you that 90% of the time the person never
talks to the other person who they are asking about, and I'm not talking about
arguing or yelling either. There's magic in talking to someone in a calm state
and hearing each other out versus just going in on a each other and then just
saying that the other person should've known better because they should know
you. This goes along with that whole mind reader thing that men complain about
so often, we just can't do it. No matter how far we come as humans and no matter
what is depicted in movies, we simply just can't read minds, so why not talk to
a person about how you feel? And that whole notion of not having to explain
yourself more than one time because the person you are with should just get it
after the first attempt, dead it. If that were the case then there would be no
need for us to be in school taking test that constantly judges our knowledge on
past things learned. Moral of the story, use your big boy and big girl words,
they will make things better at the end of the day, regardless of the results.
And my last
piece of advice I give to people, love yourself.
This is the piece
of advice that people tend to lose when they get into relationships with
someone. I forgot who said it on twitter, but I saw where someone said that too
many people are getting into these relationships with these codependent
behaviors and that they should shed that thinking before they get with someone
else or else they will always fail. That made me think a little bit because
that's exactly how I feel when people make the other person their everything
then, then crash and burn with the intentions of coming back around. I mean
granted when I get with a nice young lady initially I want to spend a lot of
time with her because it's new. I cancel a lot of things that I had planned to
do cool stuff with her, I mean I would rather do that then do the stuff with
people who usually renege anyways lol. But at the same time you can't just quit
doing the things that made you happy as person because eventually you will get
tired of always being around that person and then you'll feel like you missed
out on so much by not doing the things that you love doing, balance is so key to
mental stability.
So those are my
four pieces of constant relationship advice beyond actually giving my two cents
about whatever I'm being asked about.
-
Know your partner.
-
Calm down and use your own relationship experience and logic.
-
Sit down and talk to them before anything else, calmly.
-
Know yourself, love yourself, don't compromise yourself.
For most it's easier said than done, but at the end of the day if you practice this routinely, and by routinely I mean daily, then you will be just fine. If you guys stick it out and stay together, then you have some handy tools that will work for the rest of your days. If you end up realizing that the person isn't for you based off doing these things, then you can walk away with your head held high because you actually gave it your best and most logical foot forward versus that feeling of something being left there. That's my secret for being able to move on without looking back too much with hindsight. The older I get and the truer I stay to those pieces of advice, the smoother life seems to become because it doesn't allow for any nonsense.
This is the advice
that I gave to someone when they came to me asking me about the situation that
they were in and they are currently happy about where they are with the person
they are dating at the moment, kudos to you guys. I felt like this post was
needed for the folks that come here looking for some sort of hidden innuendo or
gem as they call it for their own situation they are currently going through.
And I really wish you guys didn't do that because there is no magic answer, it's
quite simple, it's just the effort and understanding that you are willing to
exert towards the situation. None of us are perfect, but with a lot of hard
work, we can make situations perfect for us, just something to think about.
How do you feel
about the advice I outlined? Do you agree or disagree? Anything to add? Leave it
in the comments below.
Until next time
guys.
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