When One Isn't Enough

So I have to give her
Free, time, even if it hurts
So breathe, mami, it's deserved
You've been put on this earth to be
All you can be, like the reserves
And me? My time in the army, it's served
So I have to allow she, her, time to serve
The time's now for her
In time she'll mature
And maybe we, can be, we, again like we were
Finally, my time's too short to share
And to ask her now, it ain't fair
So yeah, she lost one.

- Jay-Z

I'm sure there's an old adage somewhere that says something along the lines of, "if it doesn't make you better, let it go". Well that applies in this situation because clearly hoping things will work out isn't really, well, working out. I guess there has to be a point where I just have to stop waiting & start doing some rebuilding. But first I'll go through a reflection process, analyzing the good, the bad, and just the plain ol shitty of what happened. That's what we all have to do to get better, we have to sit down and be honest with ourselves. We have to admit where we went wrong, how we went wrong and what we need to do different next time. That's just how life goes.

Now I'd be lying to you guys if I didn't say that I'm just flat out tired, and you know I don't lie to you guys about things on here. A lot of people THINK that I have all these great options, that I go around being friendly with all these females, hanging out all the time, and going on dates. When in reality, I'm a very reserved person, I like minding my own business 99% of the time. No one can tell you differently from that. So when it comes to women, it's few and far in between that I actually date a young lady, and let it be known to everyone. Come to think about it, I dated from 2009-2011, took the latter part of 2011 til the next year of 2012 off from dating, dated from late 2012 til summer of 2013, didn't date til late 2013 til early 2014, and here I am now, almost another year single.

Dating is tiring for me because I just don't create a bond with anyone. When I reach the relationship level with a woman, then it's something that took a long time to build up to. I just don't jump in and out of situations, regardless of what people perceive. But as I refocus myself and start doing a lot of the things that I want to do in life, for me, I realize that I don't have a lot of room to waste on situations that aren't bettering me. Usually I'm the one who moves on without a problem, regardless if it's my fault or not. I'm not a lingerer, I don't dwell on any situation more than I have to. Sometimes I need to dwell on things and I don't, I just keep it pushing.

And that's who I realize I am, I'm a person that keeps it pushing, I'm the person that no matter what goes on in my life, good or bad, I bounce back. I make a way, I'm the person that everyone comes to for advice because I know how to make things happen. For so long I just stopped being that person, I just stopped being someone who was always on the move, I became stagnant. Big part of that was from the fallout of my last relationship, I mean since I'm speaking in particulars here, I really love that young lady. Not Loved, use to love or maybe once loved, I love her. But hey, shit happens, life happens. I mean it's been a long time since I last saw her, and yea things are gradually getting better, but for some reason, I just feel like the time for me to make moves in life, is now.

I'm going to cover this more in depth in a later blog that I already have done up for the end of the year, but it's just that time, it's that time to not necessarily burn bridges, but it's time to do what I want to do, it's time to open my wings and stop caring for other people as much as I do, and start caring for myself way more. I mean I use to do what I want, then the Army happened lol. But as far as she goes, there won't be a place on this green earth that I'll be that I won't love her, but I know for a fact with the things that I plan on doing, it's almost a sure shot that our paths won't ever cross again. I mean I know God has other plans for us, but yea, this is just one of those things that I've come to accept, and it's really hard. But eh, what can you do? Yea so that's where I'm at, there's one more entry to this series, don't know if I'm going to post it, maybe I will one day. But until then, I just want her to know that one thing:

Until you read each here
So till she's here
And she declared
The heir
I will prepare
A blueprint for you to print
A map for you to get back
A guide for your eyes
And so you won't lose scent.