And Now You Know


So I was scrolling the greatness of which that is called Tumblr last night and of course I saw something that was gold, and I have to share it with you guys. How To Tell If I'm Sad Again popped up on my feed and I had to read it a couple of times because I didn't quite put two and two together. The reason why I didn't put two and two together is because I couldn't believe that every single thing on this list, I currently do. I mean it's no secret or new revelation that I suffer from PTSD and a form of depression, (I'm currently going through tests to get officially diagnosed). But actually seeing it in a place where I thoroughly enjoy the things that I find, was kind of a stopping point for me just now. Before I go any further, let me share with you what the list says in case you're too lazy to click on the link:

  1. I don't respond to your texts for days.
  2. I don't respond to your texts for hours.
  3. I don't respond to your texts at all.
  4. I respond with short answers.
  5. I sound disinterested in our conversations, texting or not.
  6. I don't eat / drink / talk as much as usual.
  7. I stare out into space more than often.
  8. I stay in one place / a few places for long periods of time without moving much.
  9. I lose track of time.
  10. I rub my head / eyes as if I have a migraine.
  11. I talk more quietly than normal.
  12. I don't talk about myself at all.
  13. I make cynical comments, especially about my existence.
  14. I sleep too much or too little.

Now to most people, when they hear someone say any of these things, they usually don't pay it too much mind because, you know, people go through things in life. But when a person goes through all of these things on a consistent and normal basis, it's time to step in and say something. These are just some of the symptoms you can use to diagnose depression in today's climate. I'm a pretty social person, so when I become reserved or uninterested in doing things with people, it's because my depression is "flaring up" and I don't want to really be around people because my mood could bring someone else's down.

Now while this isn't healthy, it's necessary sometimes because what people don't understand that is sometimes people who suffer from depression wants to be alone and they want to work things out on their own. I know it's a scary thought to leave someone who suffers from depression alone, but sometimes that's the best medicine. We live every single day of our lives with depression, it's not something that goes away completely, so with that being said, we don't want to be babied every single day. People always get the notion that we always want someone in our face talking our heads off about whatever they read in the pamphlets. When a person has constant support, sometimes they just want to wing it alone and just come back in due time.

It's no different from when you're tired and all you want to do is rest and just get some you time, depression is in that same category sometimes. Now I know it's tricky to know when a person needs it and when they don't need the support, but sometimes you just know. Humans are resilient creatures, our minds are so complex that sometimes it solves the problem before we even can realize that it did. Long story short, just give a person with depression some time to figure things out while still being there in their lives letting them know you support them. Silent support is awesome when done just right, and that's the type of person I am.

I'm thankful for all of the support from family and friends when they know I'm off, but sometimes I just don't feel like texting, talking or moving. Sometimes I just want to lay around and eat and think, then repeat. Understanding is the key component here, and I understand that since I have help, sometimes I want to figure out why I'm going through this alone, that's a very human thing to do. Sometimes I just need my mind to come along on this road into self realization by itself.

Sometimes I just want to be alone.

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