So the tail end of last week marked probably one of the worse months of my entire life, no exaggeration.

Literally any and everything that could have went wrong, did. Between being sick, trip to the ER and finances being all crazy looking, I'm surprised I didn't have a complete meltdown. I came quite close, but I didn't fully get there, but it was still close for comfort in my book. Either way, I went through the ringer and I was just freely falling into an abyss. Now that may seem dramatic and over the top for some people, but those same people don't understand that any wrong move could be a death blow to me. I don't really have or rely on people per say for major financial help in my life, I pretty much do everything alone, and that's fine & I've never complained about it before. It's just that it's annoying when people who don't have to struggle like I do, give their two cents on a situation they can not understand. I mean it's cool that you have that safety net and all in YOUR life, but to insinuate that I bring it upon myself to be in undesirable situations, it's a bit of a stretch.

This is exactly the reason why I keep my life private and I don't really talk about the good or bad with the people I know, because they typically don't say anything helpful to any kind of situation. I'm not really one of those "awe I hope it gets better" kind of people, I actually offer solutions to problems when need be. I don't do that BS just sitting there and listening to someone vent about not wanting to fix an actual problem, that's one of my top pet peeves. So instead of wasting my breath, and my precious time, I choose to keep it moving and not really speak on my troubles that much.

Now that you have that background information, we can proceed.

I've already accepted that my life is going to be hard for the simple fact that I'm stubborn, hard headed and I will never fully be happy until I scratch all the things that itch in my life. I still have goals from high school that I want to achieve, so I know that settling and doing something that I don't want to do is an option, I can thank my mother for that endearing trait. Settling isn't really my thing and it gets me into trouble a lot of times, to be quite honest here. I tend to try to make something out of nothing happen too often and most of the times I end up having to do too much if only thing I did was ask someone for help. I guess that asking for help is a sign of defeat, also known as my pride being too much in the way. I will literally sit for hours on out thinking of ways to achieve what I want alone rather than asking someone for help, and that's a big no no. I will admit that I am better in recent years on that, but I don't want to either look like a crutch, nor a burden to anyone.

So that's where my mind was at on Friday, then late Friday evening, I read a blog.

So my good friend and fellow blogger @zDearQueens over at wrote a pretty interesting blog, entitled "Kind Words Can't Protect You From Everything", and it's probably top 2 blogs I've ever read in my life. First I want to say that she isn't on a tear right now like no other, her blogs are just amazing, if you have the time and you love to read blogs, head on over there and check those out. Hell, even if you don't like reading blogs or reading period, still go on over there and check that out, it's that good. That blog she wrote spoke volumes to who I am as a person and how I view life. I know that my pride will be my downfall if I let it, but it's also my greatest strength. The ability to see the good in everything and have the ability to game plan well enough so that if there are wrenches thrown into my life plans, I can adjust accordingly. Odd enough, this blog was everything that I needed to hear and more.

I was really knocked on my ass by this past month and I was beginning to question myself about what's going on and if I had the ability to recover, something I never do. Then after reading that and talking to my friend Gab I realized that bouncing back is my thing, and no one can do it like me. I've grown tired of bouncing back and having to do things most don't have to do, but I also realize that most aren't me and most aren't trying to make something out of nothing happen. My whole life I've always welcomed challenge and now that things are slowly falling into place, I'm ready to take that leap into finally being where I want to be at in life. I've come to realize when I'm this close to obtaining what I want and desire the most, I realize that the devil will try his best to pull me back down to where he's at because he knows I'm preserving and keeping the faith.

Usually I'm modest, but I've worked hard to get to where I am in life, and I'm really happy with the things that are coming together and how they are coming together, and I'm just trying to get over that last hump. Before I was really trying to do it alone, but then I realized that I can't do it alone and I actually need the help of the people around me to achieve that last great step.

They always say that midnight is darkest before the day, and right now I can see the crack of dawn coming and I'm ready.
  1. I think between May into June has every kinda sick just with the all the rain and heat among other things just really can have your body all out of wack! I'm just getting over from being sick myself and I hated it.

    Your friends blog I enjoyed checking it out and had to add it to my list of blogs to read thanks for sharing.


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