The Feminist & I


Now I will admit, I had to sit down and thoroughly educate myself about this topic.

I mean at first when I saw the earliest mention's of Feminism on twitter, it was always something that was something that was ridiculed and compared to cranky women on their periods. So naturally I just scrolled over it and didn't pay too much mind to it. That was around 2011, this is 2014. Now I undoubtedly chalk some of that up to ignorance on my part for not researching it like I do a lot of stuff on twitter, and also some of it had to deal with me being deployed as well. In the last couple of weeks or so, Feminism has been making its surge in the wake of the Ray Rice incident & the NFL's hiring of women's activist to review the NFL's Domestic Abuse Policy. When I say it's making it's surge, I mean men are acknowledging it's presence more than ever, regardless if it's negative or positive, it's being acknowledged. Now on my TL there is usually a complete and utter cluster of ignorant comments, but that's because I like to laugh at things, call it a guilty pleasure. But with Feminism, I wanted to understand it more and learn exactly what it entailed. And after doing a lot of reading and talking to women who consider themselves Feminists, I've come to one simple conclusion:

Men who are weak, both mentally and emotionally, fear a woman who is not. Feminists deter the average man, and give the man who wants more out of life, something to aspire to.

Now before I go into my personal understanding of Feminism, I just want to address those women who use it in the wrong light and for their own selfish purpose. I'm more so talking to the women are constantly going out of their way to put men down about the things they do or lack thereof. With any cause, belief or campaign, I am a firm believer in the approach of educating rather than attacking someone to make your point seem valid or right. There are women who use Feminism as a crutch or weapon because they've been wronged by a man, not really dealing with the actions of one in a proper way. Something like the equivalent of them turning fake gay and then get mad when a real Lesbian comes at their neck. That within itself is wrong in the same sense, when you use anything as a crutch for your scorned feelings, rather than seeking help or a proper emotional outlet. If you don't take the time to research it and truly believe in it, don't fake it, because you'll end up pissing a lot of people off. Not only that, when you start to open your mouth and recite how you feel, usually the lack of information will eventually show and the things will be flawed and later invalid.

With that being said ..

My personal understanding of Feminism is that everything that they preach or want, is right. Fella's before you rip me a new one, hear me out. The things that women want to be acknowledged for, or the things they want to do is not only right, but it's well within their rights as a woman, or simply just being human. As I'm in the process of shifting my thought from boy to man, I understand the importance of having a woman that is well within her own person, with her own goals & dreams. I'll be the first to say that I do not know everything, I'm not aware of everything and I'm not trying to be everything under the sun. I firmly believe that my wife will be Superwoman, she will know way more than I know and can do a lot of things I didn't realize she could do. She will, without a shadow of a doubt, be my equal. At the end of the day, as the husband, as the father, it is my job to protect that woman. She will be the greatest woman in the world to me. She's going to be the giver of life to the two greatest people I will ever know in my whole entire life, God willingly, my son and my daughter. And to achieve those goals in life, there has to be a simple understanding of women that leads to genuine respect of every woman that I come across.

I've stated multiple times on my blog that I want a daughter, contrary to how many of my homeboys tell me the things they've done to women over their lifetime, I know for a fact that all women aren't the same, and they all don't degrade themselves to that level. I know this first hand because I know a lot of those women. I mean sure they've had their fair share of moments where they made mistakes, but we're all humans, that's how we learn. But I know the self respect of a woman starts with me. I have to value women to the point where I know certain things just aren't acceptable. I know that when seeing a woman for the first time that cat calling, yelling to get her attention or grabbing her is unacceptable and probably dangerous in their eyes. Personally, when I approach a woman, 9 times out of 10, she responds to hello way so more than the weird stare down and think she's going to come to you. I know meeting a woman for the first time and saying she has a nice fat ass isn't something that any man wants to do, complementing her later is.

I've come to realize that a woman's body is a work of art that must be cherished and loved til the end of time. I was one of those guys that loved the light skin and long haired women, sue me. But as I became older, I learned that was wrong on my part because all women are beautiful in their own way. And as I pointed out before, as I transition from a boy to a man, I'm slowly realizing the value of self-confidence, understanding, having a sense of humor, passion and a personality is. Just as a intelligent man is sexy to you women, so is it when you gals have it too. Being able to have a meaningful, but respectable debate with you over a topic that we feel passionate about will always raise our eyebrows. I've learned that it also pays to pay attention with the intent of understanding, rather than responding. When I learned that, I came to find out that even in a random conversation, my mind can be opened up to a new perspective or point of view. One of those said things that I learned, from a Feminist, is that there is a difference between being a friend and being a savior. Show support and compassion, but never try to save someone, because that will always bring you down. That coupled with the understanding that everyone is different, and each persona has a different value to your life. I mean I knew these things, but my eyes were more so opened to the everyday affects that not practicing them had.

Having a vagina isn't a disability. It's a superpower.

I saw that on this list from twitter of what a woman is going to teach her daughter when she grows up. That statement is probably the truest thing I've read in awhile. Men will do the craziest things for the attention of woman. We all know it's the women who fall for the dumb and flashy things that make the rest of you guys look bad lol. those are the main ones you need to be talking to instead of getting on, teach them the importance of independence and self respect. But as for your bodies, they're beautiful, when you have confidence. I've always said that regardless if you're tall, short, wide, skinny, or just in between, there is some man out there that will love you for who you are. Everyone has their preferences, so don't get discouraged because the man that you are attracted to isn't attracted to you, because there is a guy that is, and probably will make you feel like a million bucks. But I do realize it's a man's job to make you feel secure about it. If I'm in a relationship with you and I don't like something about you physically, it's my job to approach you respectively about it. If you don't agree with what I'm saying, then I also have to respect that. If there's that level of respect, there will be changes, on both sides. But the most important thing here on MY blog that I believe in:

It is your body, so you make the decisions on whether or not you want to have babies, be on birth control, get an eyebrow piercing, whatever it may be.

That's the God honest truth, and if I don't like something you choose to do with it that falls along the lines of pregnancy, then I will respect it, I'll move on from you, but I will respect you and your decision. That falls back in the line of learning how to be a friend and not try to change someone. You'll just have to respect my decision to leave based on what I want in life. That's usually why you have that talk before you do anything with anyone, see if your goals align somewhat. I never understood why men thought it was ok to tell women they can't take birth control. I've seen women in so much pain that they were restricted to the bed for a week at a time and missing work, I am firm believer that every woman should be on it if you physically can't take the pain, and that it should be free. Seeing that much hurt because a man think it's a natural process isn't cool by any means, if God created man, then he gave him insight to make a cure for those cramps. The main thing that I learned from a Feminist is the standard of beauty, not the one that media tries to push on us daily, but the standard that I have for myself. Some women look cute with the Halle Berry cut, some don't. Some look good with the long hair, and some don't. The true aspect of physical beauty is what comes from a woman when she captures your mind, because in all honesty, outside of seeing a woman for the first time, if she doesn't have the mental prowess of having her own, then most men will get tired of it.

All in all, what a Feminist preaches advocacy for is along the same lines of what real men want. A hardworking woman who has her own, can handle her own, well traveled around the world, not scared to go out on a limb with love and be able to have fun whenever she wants. The Feminist woman is no more than a woman who wants a man to be a man, meaning, someone who respects her mind, body and soul. As stated plenty of times in this post, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. The day and age where we live in where women are objectified, made domestic violence cases and baby mama's, Feminists are simply women who know what they want, have the same passion a man has for learning the world and their body and doing things their own way. The respectable man will never call a Feminist a Feminist, he will call her a self respecting woman with goals and aspirations as bright at the moon and a love that burns just as bright as the sun. It's up to us men to respect them and and help cultivate them, just as it's their job to do the same thing with us. But until the day when more and more men realize this, there will continue to be this constant disconnect, and the need for Feminist shall remain. Thus creating the cycle of vilifying and putting them down, when in fact at the end of the day they just want one thing, and one thing only:

To be treated with same respect from every man that they give on a daily basis.

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