Tick Tock, Tock Tick

You know the one lesson that I learned the most about from all of my relationships and being single for this long, staying true to yourself.

To some people that's a little lesson to them and it's easy, but being in a serious relationship, changes are going to come, and hopefully it's a positive change. A lot of people are surprised these days anyway that I'm still single and I haven't had any children just yet. Those are two pretty annoying questions that people insist on asking when they start to delve into the part of my life that doesn't concern them. Now sometimes, and I stress the word sometimes here, I just want to be a complete smart ass and ask them why did they have children with a guy that they are no longer with or why did the get married about three or four times. Now the main reason I don't say things like that is because I know God doesn't like ugly and karma is pretty real these days. So for the sake of sanity and all things right, I answer those two questions with the same basic five responses every single time:

1. It's all about me right now.

Now while some people think it's not ok to be selfish this far along in my life, I just turned 28, I'm reminded that it is. It's not all about how people perceive where you should be, it's where you want to be. As long as you think you're making significant strides in life, then you will be ok. Too often we compare ourselves to what other people have going on in their lives, that we judge our own against theirs. It's not a competition, it's not a game or a leader board, everyone moves at different pace because we're all from different places. As soon as I realized that much about myself and separated it from what my friends were doing, I became that much happier. I haven't looked back since that day, and I don't plan on looking back. Now I am happy for my friends that are starting families and getting married and what not, I just know that now isn't my time for that because God hasn't given me any indication that it is. Until that time comes when he wants to give me the hint, I'm keeping both eyes on the man in the mirror.

2. I have things to do.

Piggy backing off what I just said, I still have things to do in terms of my professional career. Outside of the blog I am a very busy individual, with working close to 60 hours a week and studying for certification tests, I have no life really. That's cool though because it's all apart of the plan, and the plan has a strenuous process that I have to follow. I am definitely a believer in the statement; "we make time for what we want to make time for", and that's exactly what I do. I could easily make time to go out on dates and be with someone if I wanted to, but you know I believe in not settling, so I don't waste my time just because. People get lonely, myself included, and they want companionship. So for the mere fact that I've been single for the last ten months without as so much as a hint of a woman rubbing up next to me, it's an accomplishment. I'm making it an point to not mess around with just anyone because that's not what I want to do. In order to take the next step in life, you have to date, I know but at the same time, you have to be serious about your dating, so if the vibe is off after a two or three dates, the vibe simply won't be there. And there's no shame in that, I'm just not wasting my or your time.

3. I want a woman who smiles just by me looking at her.

One of the things that I do cherish with a woman that I really, really, really like is the emotional connection. That's the second most important thing in a relationship next to spiritual connection. I have to actually feel you before I can even take you serious, or even want to take you serious. A strong connection with a woman is something that needs to be there because if it's not, then it's nothing more than you annoying me, and me not caring about how you feel, that's just the honest truth. One of the things that I did in my last  relationship was try too hard to keep everything on the straight and narrow path, that was a setup for failure. What I realized I needed was something that just flows and connects without effort. The type of relationship where I'm just sitting on the couch with her and we're just watching TV and I look over and I realize how lucky I am to have you, that's what I want out of a relationship. And I'm pretty sure that it's either going to be a chick that I've known for a couple of years or someone that just comes out of the blue. It is possible that it both will happen, just someone I wasn't expecting.

4. I'm not having Kids before marriage.

This is a big no no, and forever will be a big no no. I don't want any kids with any woman that isn't my wife, quote me on this. There are a lot of people that are running around doing things like having unprotected sex, or not taking birth control like they should be. In all honesty, I've become a hermit in terms of my sex life. I think I've finally hit that point where I know it's not that important until I'm with someone I like, I've also had enough to know what I'm doing anyways so I'm just chilling on that aspect of life. And with me being good on it, comes another way I can significantly take down my chances of having a child. But that is a complete no no and it's kind of sad that people are ok with having kids before marriage or having them in a marriage where they are not happy. I mean I'm not judging anyone here, but that's not my cup of tea, I expect to be happy with my wife mentally, emotionally, spiritually and financially before we even think about children. So that's the answer to why I don't have kids at this current stage of my life, and won't have any time soon.

5. Time is of no concern of mine.

And the last and most important factor is that I'm not worried about time. A lot of people my age bracket, 25 - 30 years old, look at this is the prime time to settle down and have a whole family before you get to the ripe age of 31. I for one do not care about the measurement of time in association with my life goals. I don't know where people get this silly notion from but they're going to ruin their lives if they keep that kind of thinking up. I know for a fact that I'm going to have a family one day, no matter how much trash I talk to my friends about not having a family because I can't meet a woman worth marrying, I know that I'm going to have one. I just decided that letting things flow naturally while I do my thing will ultimately determine when I have a family. So if the time is right for me to have a family this time next year or in the next ten years, I'll be cool with it. I've never really been caught up on that notion for the simple fact of how the world is now. Every generation changes, back in the early 1800's getting married at an early age was in, then in the 1900's it was your early twenties, towards the later parts and early 2000's its your mid twenties. Now it's not a bad thing if you chill out and wait til you're in your late twenties or early thirties to get married because there's so much to do in this world and so much to see. Growth of personal intelligence and personal happiness is at an all time high because of it.

At the very end of the day, I fully expect the woman that I get into the next relationship to be the best relationship, because I've learned so much about all of my past dealings and myself. June 2013 to til now, January 2015 has to be one of the worst / best experiences of my life because it simply showed me what I was made of. It taught me that I can make a master plan and execute it, it showed me how to make money out of thin air and budget it wisely, and most importantly that time frame showed me that I know how to love properly when I do it right. So to all of those people getting those same questions as I do, don't worry, you are not in this boat alone, you are not the only person out there with the same mindset and patience. Just wait on it, your time is coming, don't let those people rush you into making a bad decision based on what they think you should be doing. Your life is your life, and your happiness will come when God see's that you are ready for it, just wait on it.

*Editors Note: I originally wrote this back in January of 2015, in light of some recent events and me sharing this with people that needed to read it, I decided to release it from the infamous draft folder lol*
  1. I like a lot of your reasons for staying single, especially the one about not having kids outside of marriage. It's not fair to anyone involved! My son is starting to feel the same way as you. He's approaching 27. If you look at it, marriage is a huge commitment, if you do it right. Who wants to screw it up? Good luck in your journey and thanks for sharing!

    1. Well that just means your son is awesome and you did a great job as a mom! But thank you because it's hard for people to understand these points without getting offended by them. Marriage is probably the biggest thing I'll do outside of having kids so I approach it with major caution. Thank you so much for reading!


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