Single Folks, You Will Be Fine


Dammit! I fell into a Buzz Feed list trap lol.

Sike I'm just kidding, Buzz Feed has a lot of great lists on there site, after you navigate through all of the adds and weird stuff. But I came across this list of things called Dating Advice You Wish You Could Give Your Younger Self, and the stuff on this list makes sense for even young adults going through being single and dealing with the emotions that come along with it. I wrote a post not too long ago entitled The Dangers of Dating, and it I was told I seemed a little morbid in terms on my outlook on the current dating scene. Well I mean hey, if it sucks, then it sucks lol. But I wasn't speaking on the actual scene as a whole, just as to it relates to me and the women that come around my life. Clearly not everyone is the same and there are good people in this world that struggle with dating, and in today's world it's especially hard because of a lot of different circumstances. Well dating can be successful because hey after all, if it was meant to be easy, then you would date the first person that you came across off the street.

But hey in the meantime while you're out there dating your life away, or kissing frogs as the good women folk like to say, there are some things that Buzz Feed pointed out with their list, and it's some pretty great stuff. Here is the list:

1. You ARE dateable. | “I went through the majority of my high school years being self-conscious and thinking I wasn’t really ‘worthy’ of a relationship. So because of that, I would never put myself out there.”

2. Fall in love with yourself first. | “Don’t worry about rushing to find a partner to ‘complete’ you. Discover how to make yourself feel whole intellectually, emotionally, and physically, first and foremost. Then, when you do meet someone, ask yourself, ‘Can this person bring me the same level of happiness that I bring myself?’”

3. Don’t pretend to like certain movies or music just because he does! | “I would buy songs from bands the guy I was dating liked, even though I didn’t like them. I’d make myself listen to them so I’d have something to talk about with him. It was completely stupid, and didn’t make me feel like me. Plus, I’d pretend to enjoy certain movies, simply because they were his favorites. I was afraid of judgment if I didn’t share in his interests. Honestly, it should have been a red flag to me.”

4. Only sleep with people you actually like. | “It’s definitely awesome that you’re meeting new people and figuring out what you like sexually, but just because your answer’s not ‘no,’ you don’t always have to say ‘yes.’ You don’t have to wake up every Sunday in someone else' bed. Sleep with people because they’re kind or cool or funny or sexy — not because they’re right there. Sleep with people you actually like. You’ll save loads of money on cab fare.”

5. If someone tells you they’re “no good” or “trouble” — BELIEVE THEM and run! | “I spent a lot of time in my early twenties falling for people who told me the were bad news, or ‘a mess’, and believing I’d be the one to pull them out of it. It seemed dramatic, romantic, but oh man it was never worth it. A lot of tears. The best thing I realized, for my own sanity, was the importance of taking people at their word — if someone tells you they’re trouble, be grateful for their honesty and keep on moving. Fixing a tragic figure never works the way it does in the movies.”

6. Serendipity isn’t real. | “I used to think being at the right place, at the right time was required for attraction — What’s the phrase? ‘Meant to be’? But actually, you choose to be there, and the other person shows up, because they want to be there too.”

7. If a man 20+ years older than you says “only young women get me,” RUN FAR AWAY. | “When I was in my early twenties I dated multiple men in their forties who exclusively dated much younger women and regularly complained about women their own age. Though I don’t see anything inherently wrong with dating outside of your demographic, the venom with which they talked about older women was profoundly disturbing and I realize in hindsight that they didn’t like to be around women who were assertive and had expectations about commitment and basic decency, so they went for younger women in the hopes that they’d be more pliable. I’m glad that I got out of it when I did but I wish I’d never even entertained their misguided notions about women, age, emotional labor, and sex appeal.”

8. As a rule, don’t get involved with anybody who is married. | “You’re going to tell yourself that yours is a unique position. That this is different than other affairs. It isn’t.”

9. Hoe don’t do it!!! - Your future self. | “Stop falling for the same guy - both literally and metaphorically. If you couldn’t make it work the first time, there is a GOOD REASON for it. Also, as a side note, the only person who needs to be feeling your look is you; you do not need to spend any time worrying about the opinions of your soggy ass ex-boyfriends.”

10. Don’t spend your life looking for the “right” person. Make yourself the right person for you. | OK, so I sort of stole this from Oprah, but the advice is still solid. Don’t spend your life searching for the perfect person (if such a thing even exists). Work to make ~yourself~ the perfect person for you, and then ‘the right person will then be drawn to you based upon the work that you put out.’”

11. You don’t have to date a homophobe! | “I moved to Brazil to be with my ex, which I don’t regret at all. But what I did then that I wouldn’t do now is put up with the humongous chasm of ideological differences we had. From the beginning of our relationship, we argued about things like sexism and homophobia, and although there were lots of good things about it, in retrospect I can’t believe I put up with some of the garbage he used to say. Everybody is learning and growing all the time and that’s something that’s part of the journey, but you don’t have to date somebody whose core beliefs are offensive to your entire being. That’s bullshit and should not be tolerated.”

12. If you have to constantly make excuses for his behavior, it’s probably not worth it. | “When I was younger I dated a couple of guys that I knew weren’t good for me, but I wanted to ‘fix them’. Instead of accepting that maybe we weren’t compatible, I found myself always making excuses for the way they behaved, even when I knew they were wrong.”

13. Have sex with EVERYONE! | “Whether from fear, pride, insecurity, or debilitating laziness, I passed up on too many opportunities to connect with someone (wink, wink). At best, those experiences could have led to love; at worst they would have at least helped me meet the ‘10,000-Hour Rule.’”

14. Be honest with yourself about what you’re feeling, and then be honest with everyone else. | “It’s really important to learn how to acknowledge your feelings and be honest about what it is you really want. Once you figure that out, you also need to be honest with the person you’re dating or who you want to date. Prolonging this will only end up hurting everyone involved, including yourself.”

15. Don’t do the long-distance college thing. | “I was in a long-distance relationship for my first three years of college. At the time, I was in love, but looking back on it, I realize how many different experiences I missed out on. Everyone tells you that, but you always believe your relationship is different. Plus, it’s just not fun to be in a relationship with someone when you never see them.”

16. Don’t fall into guilt traps and stop trying to heal everyone. | “Opening up about difficult things and helping each other through them is a normal and necessary part of a healthy relationship. However, if someone immediately unloads all their baggage or tries to use their issues as a reason for you to stay with them, you will just end up in a loveless, suffocating relationship. Those types of people will seldom be there for when you need them and will probably blame you for everything in the end anyway.”

17. Love is real (holy shit). | “I think for a long time I had ideas about what love is supposed to be like: a chain of events, a special moment, that anxiety that you hate but you also kind of like. What I didn’t realize is that ‘LOVE’ is actually a really real thing. Maybe I suppressed it somewhere, or just forgot, but there is a special feeling that doesn’t make sense, and you will find it and feel it with special people who will come into your life at certain times. Hopefully you’re both ready when it does!”

18. It’s different 4 everyone. | “I couldn’t think of any specific advice that would have truly helped younger David nor could I think of any advice that would have changed his thinking or behavior. That’s because everyone’s experience (or lack thereof) in dating provides them with their own particular perspective on the topic. I think that telling younger me that ‘it’s different 4 everyone’ is the healthiest way to remind myself that even bad experiences have valuable lessons, while also letting younger David know that older David will probably still be an idiot.”

19. Listen to your mom. | “I think moms just have a sixth sense about this kind of stuff.”

There maybe one or two things that are questionable about the list, but for the most part, this whole list is pretty accurate. I know it's suppose to be to the younger version of yourself, but this serves as a reminder to those of us who are out here in the world, dating and just pretty much over the process that it's not all that bad. Times are changing and so is the way that we connect with one another, and there's nothing wrong with that. You're not going to date the same way you did now as when you did in 2002, but this list provides some pretty routine and basic things that you need to remember when dating. This list will help you if you take heed to what it's saying to you.

Just take a breather, life is going to be life, the only thing you can do is live it to the best of YOUR abilities and not anyone else'. It's not a race, it's not a basketball game, and it's not time sensitive material. Everything will happen when it's suppose to happen, and it will happen in due time, so don't rush it. If you're reading this then you understand what I'm saying because you took the time to make it through the whole post. Just be you and have fun and keep in the back of your mind this list and you'll do just fine with the dating scene.

 

What do you think about the list, is there something that you can add or take away? Let me know what you think in the comments below.

Until next time guys.

9 comments

  1. In my opinion, this was a great list! For the most part I agree with EVERYTHING! I was in a couple of situations and if I could go back in time and talk to my younger self, I could have saved her from a lot of disappointment, heart ache and everything in between. I hope this post reaches a lot of people.

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    1. Yea I was definitely thinking the same when I was writing this, I've shared it with a lot of people and the general consensus is that this pretty much sums up the dating scene these days. But this also reminded me that I'm in a great position in life right now. So I'm chilling to say the least lol.

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  2. "Sleep with people you actually like"This should be a no brainer but…………..

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    1. LOL! I know right, that's what I try to tell people, a mental and emotional connection will always be ten times better than just going out there and doing it, but you know how people are these days in that regards.

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  3. I agree with everything on this list mostly because I'm guilty doing many things on this list. I regretted it and if I knew everything I know now I'd definitely go back and change it but they were lessons that needed to be learned.

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    1. Ah there is no room for regrets, I mean hey either way you learned some valuable lessons and that's the most important thing here. You grew regardless and you're succeeding now, and that's all that matters.

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  4. Only sleep with people you actually like, what a concept!

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    1. lol that's the main thing that sticks out about this list, and it's something that I practice. I mean I've slipped a couple of times, and for the most part I've learned from those couple of times.

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  5. There were a few that were questionable, but for the most part I agree. Everyday I'm giving myself a pep talk trying to rid myself of the ideology that being single has something to do with me. Practicing my patience. Thank you for sharing

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