So I'm sitting on
the edge of my bed as I write this.
Today was a very
long day,
Jonathan Ferrell's trial was ruled a mistrial after jurors said race didn't play a part and we still don't know really know what happened to
Sandra Bland inside of that jail cell. That among other things going on in
this country such as
the shooting of another teen one year after Michael Brown was killed in Ferguson
and
the monitoring of current prominent activists DeRay Mckesson & Johnetta "Netta" Elzie, basically COINTELPRO reborn. All of this has me really wondering what's going on in
this country after a year of escalated violence towards people of color that is
everywhere but nowhere reported. Time and time again there has been basically a
"fuck you" from the government, local agencies and communities everywhere when
it comes to factual evidence presented to them when it comes to civilization of
innocent African Americans. Time and time again, when there is clear and evident
lack of procedural following on the parts of police officers, who are either
found to be unfit or under trained long before the shootings occurred, are let
go because the victim has always done something that could have been prevented
from their actual murders.
Time and time
again I find myself taking a break from writing on the blog and I just schedule
posts from my drafts to keep up with the promise of posting five times a week
for the whole year. That's my secret, I write a lot and have a lot of drafts
saved up just because when something like a shooting of an unarmed African
American, my heart becomes heavy because I always think to myself what if I was
next? I'm far from being a naive individual, I always think about the day that I
die, you have to if you're an African American male, we've always had to. I
always think about who gets my stuff or what type of insurance do I need so my
family won't struggle paying for funeral arrangements, that's just reality. I
would be lying if I say that when I went out that at some point and time I would
be scared of dying before I snap out of it and have fun in the moment. Being
deployed to Iraq doesn't help with the fact that I think about my surroundings
100x more than a normal person should. Before when I was looking around I was
scanning the crowd for general threats, now I'm scanning the crowd for that and
where are all the white people near me, just so that I know if I'm at a risk of
dying.
And that's no way
to live your life, no one should be looking over their shoulders if they haven't
done anything wrong. That's the thing most people who aren't black won't
understand about being black means in this country. We have to worry about dying
on a constant basis, there are parents out there who are literally scared to let there kids go outside because they are scared someone will shoot them just for
playing outside or
just walking to a pool party with their friends. That's just not how to live
life and for some reason, with overwhelming evidence laid at their feet,
majority of white people in this country don't see the problem with it, and that
includes the American government. Everyone from all corners of the world see
what is going on in this country but the people that run it are looking with a
blind eye simply because they don't want to mess up the money flow or their self
interests. That's the root of all the problems in this country, those that are
in power profit from the deaths, incarcerations and welfare stricken due to lack
of opportunities, and most of those happen to be black people.
I've wanted to
write about this for a long time but I didn't know exactly where to start. I
wanted to come off as knowing, but not overtly stuck in the trenches without my
head facing up to see what's going on. Because on the flip side of all the police
brutality and open racism in the form of confederate flags and pickup trucks,
there are "civil rights activists" out here slamming other activists down simply
because they have more notoriety than they do. That's the kind of stuff that
deters the majority from speaking up on behalf of the struggle, it's one of
those deals where they feel as if speaking up is worthless when the ones doing
the leading is too worried about who is getting the most shine. We praise Dr.
King, Brother X and Mrs. Parks for making the most notable contributions to the
movement, but we all know that SNCC, Carmichael, Newton, Hampton and the Black
Panthers Party had just as much to do with the movement as they did.
Good friend of
mine @SheSeauxSaditty sent out
a warning for us that have a presence online and off to be careful out here in
the streets because they were watching and waiting to take us out little by
little, that was a few days before news that DeRay was being watched.
I know by simply
mentioning COINTELPRO and
browsing it from my browser at home has indexed me into a database that watches
those of us that are tired of living in fear. I know that I'm marking myself for
a possible shooting by speaking out on the injustices in this country. And that
one day after my death they will try to discredit and eradicate me from memory,
but fuck it we all have to die sooner or later right?
I'm not an
activist or someone that organizes rallies, nor do I even show up for them. That
doesn't mean I don't support them, I just find more power in speaking about
these situations and shedding light on others that touch more people who are
scared to go out there and march along side those that do. One day I will be out
there in the trenches, and one day I will be louder than my words here. This is
just the tip of the ice berg, this is me breaking into what has become a way of
life that I don't want to live anymore. There are people out here without the
words of the voice to speak their frustrations and I find it my duty to at least
speak on behalf of those people that agree.
I've finally found
my voice and I plan on fully using it from this point on out.
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