*Shuffles papers*
Excuse me, I had
to go through some notes I took during this little talk I had with a good friend
of mine. That talk actually produced three really great blog topics, this and
another one I'm posting now, with the other reserved for a future date. I like
the other one more than I like this one for the simple fact that I'm going to
get a whole lot of negative feedback because it won't go with a lot of people's
personal convictions.
And that is quite
alright to be honest, because it's my life that I have to live.
I want to say
first that I am a firm and unquestioned believer in the Lord, that will never be
a problem. I will always accept his word, his judgment and his advice. I say
that to say this, as I write this post at this exact moment, this is how I'm
going to feel until the Lord himself shows me another way to think. Until that
moment arrives, I'm sticking with this and I'm going to keep it rolling.
The thing that
keeps me going at the end of the day is the fact I know how to analyze my
mistakes and failures accordingly. I know how to look at situations and say "hey
this worked and this didn't work. So I need to do this and it will get better",
that's what I'm good at. Never have I ever applied that to my actual love life,
ever. I mean sure I said I need not to do this, and I need not to do that
because it's not cool when thinking about my next relationship. Asking myself if
I'm actually good at dating is something that never crossed my mind until
recently. I noticed that when I uttered that question to someone else they acted
as if I punched a baby in the face or something. Questioning yourself about
relationships seems to be a no no amongst a lot of people, but to me it's on par
of asking yourself if you're good enough to stay in college, still play a sport
or even being a good doctor. It's a very real question for someone, and it needs
a very real answer.
To give a little
background on my relationship cycle, I've been single most of my life lol. I've
dated but as far as girlfriends actually go since the great year of 2005 when I
entered college, I've had a grand total of seven girlfriends. In ten years I've
been with seven different women, that's not really a lot considering I went to
school in a ton that's known as a hotbed for women to male ratio. I'm not one to
really just go out and get girlfriends all of the time, it takes a lot. But like
I said before, I have dated numerous different women, to say the least.
But the whole
thing with asking the question came about when I started thinking about life
beyond 30. Dating requires attention, having a girlfriend requires more
attention and having a wife requires the greatest attention of them all. In
comparison to where my career is at this moment, I just don't have that time to
give to anyone beyond myself. With the whole economy situation and other
external factors, people in my age range were pushed back just a smidge in terms
of accomplishing their goals and dreams. I know a lot of people who are just now
succeeding and getting their just dues from graduating college and getting their
masters, I'm no different from them.
So with my whole
career finally starting to materialize into where I want it to be and me having
to actually put in more work, that requires a lot of devotion. Then on top of
that I have this here blog that I want to make into something big, and that
within itself requires something on par with my career in terms of attention
wise. Those are the two things I'm completely obsessed with right now in life,
and those are two things that bring me a ton of joy. I mean I'm a big advocate
of the saying "you make time for what you want to make time for", but I really
think at this phase in life I don't want to make time for it. After being bad
for so long, I don't have the energy to deal with someone right now that isn't
sure of themselves or what they want out of life. I'm here for bettering myself
and just having fun with life right now. Would it be nice to have someone who
doesn't "trip" and just wants to have fun, yea. But at the end of the day, I
have yet to see something on par for what I'm looking for in a equal.
Do I have
impossibly high standards? To you yes, to me no.
God is real so I
know that the dream that I have for my significant other is very real and very
possible. So I guess now that I've reached the end of this post, I guess it's
not about whether or not I'm bad at it, it's just that right now my mind and
heart are two different places, and neither of them have time to be pulled from
those places by unnecessary distractions. Someone told me a long time ago that
being selfish in the early get go of your life will go a long way towards the
other half when you settle down because you would have done everything that you
would have wanted to do. I guess this is my time.
But you know God
seems to work in mysterious ways, one minute I'm going to be happy with my own
life that he's going throw that one person in my life that's going to make it
that much better lol. There goes that hopeless romantic again lol.
Until next time
guys!
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