Solitary Confinement


*Shuffles papers*

Excuse me, I had to go through some notes I took during this little talk I had with a good friend of mine. That talk actually produced three really great blog topics, this and another one I'm posting now, with the other reserved for a future date. I like the other one more than I like this one for the simple fact that I'm going to get a whole lot of negative feedback because it won't go with a lot of people's personal convictions.

And that is quite alright to be honest, because it's my life that I have to live.

I want to say first that I am a firm and unquestioned believer in the Lord, that will never be a problem. I will always accept his word, his judgment and his advice. I say that to say this, as I write this post at this exact moment, this is how I'm going to feel until the Lord himself shows me another way to think. Until that moment arrives, I'm sticking with this and I'm going to keep it rolling.

The thing that keeps me going at the end of the day is the fact I know how to analyze my mistakes and failures accordingly. I know how to look at situations and say "hey this worked and this didn't work. So I need to do this and it will get better", that's what I'm good at. Never have I ever applied that to my actual love life, ever. I mean sure I said I need not to do this, and I need not to do that because it's not cool when thinking about my next relationship. Asking myself if I'm actually good at dating is something that never crossed my mind until recently. I noticed that when I uttered that question to someone else they acted as if I punched a baby in the face or something. Questioning yourself about relationships seems to be a no no amongst a lot of people, but to me it's on par of asking yourself if you're good enough to stay in college, still play a sport or even being a good doctor. It's a very real question for someone, and it needs a very real answer.

To give a little background on my relationship cycle, I've been single most of my life lol. I've dated but as far as girlfriends actually go since the great year of 2005 when I entered college, I've had a grand total of seven girlfriends. In ten years I've been with seven different women, that's not really a lot considering I went to school in a ton that's known as a hotbed for women to male ratio. I'm not one to really just go out and get girlfriends all of the time, it takes a lot. But like I said before, I have dated numerous different women, to say the least.

But the whole thing with asking the question came about when I started thinking about life beyond 30. Dating requires attention, having a girlfriend requires more attention and having a wife requires the greatest attention of them all. In comparison to where my career is at this moment, I just don't have that time to give to anyone beyond myself. With the whole economy situation and other external factors, people in my age range were pushed back just a smidge in terms of accomplishing their goals and dreams. I know a lot of people who are just now succeeding and getting their just dues from graduating college and getting their masters, I'm no different from them.

So with my whole career finally starting to materialize into where I want it to be and me having to actually put in more work, that requires a lot of devotion. Then on top of that I have this here blog that I want to make into something big, and that within itself requires something on par with my career in terms of attention wise. Those are the two things I'm completely obsessed with right now in life, and those are two things that bring me a ton of joy. I mean I'm a big advocate of the saying "you make time for what you want to make time for", but I really think at this phase in life I don't want to make time for it. After being bad for so long, I don't have the energy to deal with someone right now that isn't sure of themselves or what they want out of life. I'm here for bettering myself and just having fun with life right now. Would it be nice to have someone who doesn't "trip" and just wants to have fun, yea. But at the end of the day, I have yet to see something on par for what I'm looking for in a equal.

Do I have impossibly high standards? To you yes, to me no.

God is real so I know that the dream that I have for my significant other is very real and very possible. So I guess now that I've reached the end of this post, I guess it's not about whether or not I'm bad at it, it's just that right now my mind and heart are two different places, and neither of them have time to be pulled from those places by unnecessary distractions. Someone told me a long time ago that being selfish in the early get go of your life will go a long way towards the other half when you settle down because you would have done everything that you would have wanted to do. I guess this is my time.

But you know God seems to work in mysterious ways, one minute I'm going to be happy with my own life that he's going throw that one person in my life that's going to make it that much better lol. There goes that hopeless romantic again lol.

Until next time guys!

No comments